*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “FNAF fanfics”. FNAF or Five Nights at Freddy’s is a horror franchise created by Scott Cawthon. William Afton is the main antagonist of the franchise and he is fifteen years old in this fanfic. Mena is my OC, who will be the “Mrs. Afton” of these fanfics. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
William didn’t eat dinner at home, because he had pizza on his date with Mena, so he just got himself ready for bed and then, once he was in his room, squeezed his eyes shut and tried his hardest to fall asleep…
Pizza slices that were larger than life danced around him in a circle, moving in a rather festive way. In the background, William could hear the tinkling song from the music box he had since he was a baby, the one that played “Toreader’s March”. Amidst all of the pizza slices, he could see Mena dancing in a ballerina costume, wearing purple, white, and blue.
William knew that he couldn’t simply run. He had to follow the beat of the music, put his heart into it. So while he wasn’t as good of a dancer as Mena, he still twirled his way out of the pizza slice circle, catching her in his arms just like a knight would with his Princess, just like in the stories he read.
But why was she so limp and pale? Why did she stop moving? Everything around him felt so hot, so burning, and the colors flashed all too brightly in disco lights. William liked colors, but they were flashing too much! And why was the music box still playing and why was the smell of pizza still in the air and again, why was it so hotandwherewastheexitandwouldn’tMenawakeupand-
William opened his eyes, shuddering as fragments of his dream lingered in his mind. It wasn’t like he saw anything particularly scary, it was just strange. Just a weird dream that didn’t have any meaning. Nothing to worry about.
He kicked the blankets off of him, feeling uncomfortably sweaty with the extra load.
It always got so hot in his room.
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139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
These fanfics connect to this one!:
William and his kids
The dancing girl
It won’t work out
William asks Mena out
At the pizzeria
Hello creeperfeverdreams!
Unfortunately, I am not familiar with FNAF lore (I know, I live under a rock), so this will all be me taking this story out of context from the larger franchise. That said, take what I have with a grain of salt!
We're instantly immersed into William's nightmare. The beginning establishes likely the influence of his dream (though I feel like it could be set up a little more in detail), and immediately the reader is taken on the journey with him as he falls asleep. I like that the nightmare sequence is differentiated through italicization; very helpful when reading!
As the first sentence, I think this could fare well in being broken up into multiple as it feels longwinded. To also touch on my note earlier about this setting up the story, there could be more added to it in my opinion. Specifically, expanding upon William's current physical/emotional state could be beneficial in transitioning to his sleep state. Was he delirious? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Drained?
The turning point! Really made me realize that this was not just a dream, but rather a nightmare.
To again mention the formatting, you use it in a really smart way here! Combining all the words reads so well in alignment to William's current mental state, and adds a sense of urgency and distress.
I love this ending. It references the dream (heat), and leaves an eerie tone to end off the story and leave the reader with a little discomfort. Suggesting, perhaps, this was more than just a dream. Cool!
What a fun yet unsettling story! I love a dream sequence and this leaves me wanting to know more. What happened to Mena? Did this happen to her in real life, too? Also leaves me curious as to William's true background/character — you've mentioned he's the main antagonist, so I wonder if he is to blame for this? Or connected somehow? So many questions. Anyways, thank you for sharing and hoped this little review helped!
Calamity
Well, this dream thing was just something I made up for the fanfic and not really something in the FNAF lore. William worries about losing Mena, but in the future, it is he who causes her death.
In the future, William Afton murders children and stuffs them into animatronics at the pizza restaurant he runs as an adult.
Spoiler
Wow! There was something that lured me in...perhaps the charm? Hello again, creeperfeverdreams! I’m here to once again review one of your stories. Keep up the good work! I’m so inspired by you, making stories and never giving up! Ok, enough yapping from me. LETS START!
The first bit introduces us to William and what happened before; the date with Mena. It sets the scene of the story. I love how you made the dream words slanted so that it is easier to understand! Very good.
Ok, the first and second paragraph says how he was at a dance party or something, and that it was so charming, but he was trapped there, not able to escape or run away. Sets a mood of mystery and danger/suspense. Oooooo love it! Then, he felt like something was wrong because it was so hot and that Mena was really pale. Scary and great.
Then, he wakes up terrified and tries to push the dream away, thinking it wasn’t anything to worry about. Wow. I think it is overall great and that you should keep writing. Never give up. Happy Writing,
Love,
CATS
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed and feel inspired by me!