Here I am
Just a girl
And here you are
You're more than the world.
I feel like I'm
Beyond the sky
I can see the stars
Glisten in your eyes.
You're more than the world
You're way beyond it
You're my shooting star
You're my comet.
You take this ordinary girl
Shy and alone sometimes
You make it easy for her
To step out into the world.
Though its dark at times
Thats why I have you
To brighten my life.
You are more than the world
You are more than this girl
Could ever deserve.
If only you could see
How much you mean to me
It would be better than a dream
It would mean more than the world
To me.
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Thanks, And yaah that guy does have a great effect on the girl...
but thanks for all of the comments ...
and Bowolves thats nice...you should post it if you havent already...
I like these lines because it makes it sound like the person does have a very special connection with the shy girl. How else could she be able to go outside her little shell?
"Though its dark at time" it seems like the girl has a rough life but, "To brighten my life" that must mean that, that person really does have a great effect on this girl.
Good job and keep writing, cause you're really good at it.
This is the BEST 1 I've read all day: ) You got good work !!!
here is 1 of mine.
Kiss me again,
With your soft lips.
hold my hand,
With your fingertips.
look me in the eyes,
I love how they glow.
like stars in the sky,
Twinkling like so.
come with me,
Away for a walk.
to the tree,
Where we can talk.
i picked these flowers,
Your favorite ones.
today love is ours,
if love was weight I'd love you tons
by Rainbow Mountain 7-30-2009
hey tosha finally got on huh?? heehee!! thanks for the comment...
awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankyou...
and ...yaah...
I know my punctuation and stuff isn't the best...
but thankyou for the compliment.
Hi.
I agree that you need some commas, but I also think breaking it into stanzas will help.
I also think it will flow better if you change this.
I think the second "you're" is unneccessary.
You're more than the world,
way beyond it.
You're my shooting star,
my comet.
Apostrophe in it's
Apostrophe in that's
Other than these typos, it is fairly well written.
-McMourning
Wow. This is a really cool poem - great job!!
Just one little thing - punctuation.
Make sure you add a comma at the end of each line, to give your reader a chance to breathe. Even if you are continuing the sentence, make sure to punctuate it. A good way to check is by reading it aloud!
Other than that, great job!
Keep writing!
Pgsgirl x