The ground is moving
Beneath my feet.
How much longer can I stand?
Most others have already fallen
Into the mouth of the earth,
Never seen again.
How much longer can I stand?
Most others are running
But where to?
Where can you hide from
The swallowing ground?
Where ever it goes it destroys.
Leaving nothing behind.
How much longer can I stand?
It nears more closer
But I can't move.
Even if I did,
Where would I go?
How much longer can I stand?
Time is scarce
So what should I do?
Thoughts of my past come to view.
Did I do enough in my time?
Could I have done more?
Do I know where I'm going
When my soul is taken?
How much longer can I stand?
All else fades away.
The chaos,
The loud splitting of the ground,
The moment before my fate is complete,
It all disappears.
I find myself in my house again,
My family singing and playing together.
A presence most familiar,
Fills the room,
As we sing of praises
To our Lord.
This very moment is my life.
This moment is all I've ever known.
This moment is what I've fought for.
A sense of fulfillment covers my heart.
I've done my duty on this earth.
I've completed my mission.
Papa, take me home!
I'm ready to be with you!
Then it happened...
I no longer have to stand.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
I didn't mean to make it sound like we have to earn His love before we go. I just want to have completed what he sent me to do before i go. And the best way to study Christianity is in the Bible. Preachers these days tend to get a big head so you can't really tell whether it's Him or him(God or man). Sometimes they forget about the Bible and do their own thing. But the Book is a good start to study us christians beliefs. Just to let you know.
It was God. :] The person I mentioned.
I've known Him through out my life as Papa.
You are correct!! :] lol
And thanks, for the compliments.
And I do see how it could've been confusing, sorry about that.
I just thought it fit.
I honestly thought it funny when you suggested aliens. no offense.
But I understand...
thanks for the review!! :]
Interesting. Firstly when you said "Most others are running", I had to pause because the way that was structured is not very smooth. Suggested replacement would include "While others are running" or "More people are running". I'm going to do something new and classify the content as dark poetry. You illustrate a ground that swallows, and having your soul "taken", but your conclusion is very passionate as if I pictured this in my mind the character would be taking their last breath before ascending towards the sky. I believe it needs more structure and planning, in terms of transition from the ground moving to having the character's "Papa" take them home. If you did not mention "To our Lord" I would have concluded this to be detailing an alien encounter but because you brought in the aspect of Christianity (of which I have studied), I believe 'Papa' is in heaven.
This leads me to conclude that you are either writing about Jesus, because the character seems to know that their father can guarantee them a place above, or another character who is convinced their hard work will pay off. You really leave a lot open to interpretation, and while that is not necessarily negative, as a reader I would have appreciated more guidance and clarity as to who this character is and whether they are male or female, another reason why I made the above estimate.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky