A little boy is disguised as a man
His childhood was stolen from him before it began
The things he's seen in his lifetime have rocked him to the core
And his face full of innocence has been corrupted by war
On his own he could never survive
But amongst the men he does more than endure: he thrives.
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140,804 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I really like this poem! It tells a lot for being so short. I think it's an impressive stanza about childhood an innocence and what being a man is and what people sometimes have to do to survive. It makes me want to know more, but at the same time it's nice being able to interpret it whatever way I wish. Well done!
I'm always wary of poems or pieces like them that are so short because I always think it's hard to convey a whole story or a deep emotion in such a short time, but you've done it. This is going to be one of the shortest reviews I've ever written because I've got almost no critiques to give you.
The title is just okay to me, I think something else that reveals the story a little more could draw in readers better. This one's not bad so if you want to keep it that's totally cool. Just s suggestion.
This line feels just a tad bit too long, so cutting out the fluff would help It'd feel more natural with a couple less syllables. I suggest cutting that part particularly because it isn't necessary. By mentioning what he's seen, that implies throughout his life so it's okay to take this out.
I'm pretty sure these should be commas, and if you add them it doesn't screw up the rhythm of the poem at all, it actually adds more emphasis and emotion.
I don't really understand why he can't survive on his own but he can thrive against taller, stronger, older beings, but either way I like where it's headed. I think a few periods are missing--punctuation is still important in poems--but everything I'm saying is small. Overall it's a great concept. It's emotional and well written. Keep it up!