We saw their tears
Without batting an eye
We watched them burn
We let them die.
They never had a chance to grow
We let them down
We let them go
We let it go unnoticed far too long
Even though we knew what was happening was very wrong
We have a chance
To save them now
Before it's too late
We must act some how.
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139,547 Literary Works • 672,606 Reviews
Hey Ariana, I'm here to review!
The first stanza! *shivers* I really liked it! The flow was good and the words yelled: "IMPACT!" But I found the change in font annoying. Like, really annoying. And I felt you sort of broke the rhythm of the poem in the third stanza with:
"We let it go unnoticed far too long
Even though we knew what was happening was very wrong"
The second line is wa-a-y too long. Also, since the first and last stanza had four lines each, I think the other two should as well. It's unfair to the poor things. You could improve the third stanza with something like: " We let it go unnoticed far too long/ In the hustle and bustle of this worldly throng/ We chose to ignore/ Though we knew it was wrong." As for the second stanza, you could add a line, like:
" They never had a chance to grow/ They couldn't reap if they couldn't sow/ We let them down/ We let them go."
I liked the idea though, and the way you wrote it was pretty good. It seemed as though you sincerely meant what you said, and I think that's a very important quality for any poem to possess. Keep writing!
~Pompadour
Hi, you write pretty well.
However, there is very little punctuation used in this poem, and the random change of font looks scrappy, and annoys me quite a bit. The poem was flowing well, until it got to "They never had a chance to grow", that line cut the flow. And from then on the rhythm of the poem was up and down.
Besides all that, it was a nice and meaningful poem. Seemed to really come from the heart. Good job.
Back again. This one looks especially lonely
Gonna fix that!
Hey so, as always I wish you'd just make them longer. You have fantastic, deep, emotional ideas and if you'd just develop them into more of a story they'd be even more emotional! Good rhyming and structure, this time I don't have anything to nitpick with that. I am wondering who it is you're talking about saving. Is that going to be mentioned? Because sometimes I think vagueness is good but here it'd be better to be a little more specific.
I just don't think you need the "very" here.
So yeah, that's all this time. Are you glad? Getting sick of my reviews yet?
I hope not.
Hi there,arianaSarroyo here I am to make my review on your poem.
Honestly,I really like the theme that emphasizes the dignity of humanity here.It shows that you are very concerned about the humanitarian issues which currently affecting the world today.
At the first stanzas until the third stanzas,shows that you deeply disappointed with the attitude of other people who letting people crushed without help them.
# We watched them burn
We let them die.
# We let them down
We let them go
*Finally at the last verse you call upon us to help those who suffered before it was too late.
In overall,it working as a great poem here,when you state the solution at the end of the poem.
_Kudos
~DarkKnight.
Okay, I really like this so far. It's got some power to it. It doesn't specify exactly what you're talking about, but because of that it invokes memories of whatever wrong(s) the reader knows about that aren't being taken care of like they should. I do think you should make your ending "some how" into one word, "somehow," but other than that this is really great!