(I decided to try a new styel of poetry and see what it was like. Please tell me what you think of it)
The Vow to Never Love Again
A vow to never love again
A promise to die alone
He sentenced himself to despair and death
While guarding himself from hurt not atoned
His broad, unyielding wall of stone
So deadly solitary and layered
Stood erect and steely, forever so drearily
But a voice cried wailing in agony
Within the wall so armored
Harmonizing with the distraught breeze
His heart was broken in two
By a hurt brutally given
And never forgiven
Depression so viciously fought to pursue
Running from life, he hid his own mind
Facades he raised all around him
Once broken they shattered
Leaving his heart tattered
So his being was driven altogether grim
But then a being stepped out of the shadows
And took his hand in hers
She drilled at his defenses
And breached his stony senses
And rekindle his heart she had spurred
He fought and resisted like a fierce rebel
Begging her to leave
But she knew his heart
And the love she did impart
Did not wound; it did relieve
When his walls were breached, it stung like salt
On an already opened wound
But he opened his heart up
Thought he felt as if in a lineup
And she healed wherever she loomed
His vow to never love again
Was shattered that very moment
When his heart was saved
He knew could not bear to waive
For she had loved him
While he had no positive adornment
A vow to never love again
A promise to die alone
He had sentenced himself to despair and death
While guarding himself from hurt not atoned
(Sorry if it is long...)
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Bah, everbody can write better poems than I can!
Bah! I am a curse, bah!
I can easily relate to this, I love poems where I can relate to them.. and I always manage to find them
Anyway yeah it was nice, nice length... *YAWNS*
Hmm... yeah... good job!
The rhyming was slightly forced. But I welcome anyone who can write rhyming poetry, since I have never been able to! I do like thos verse though;
"He fought and resisted like a fierce rebel
Begging her to leave
But she knew his heart
And the love she did impart
Did not wound; it did relieve."
Good imagery and like the way how it repeated itself at the end. There's a term for it but I don't know how to say it!
Good job!
Ditto to Dremi
Nice poem, although there was some forced rhyming, but I think you got the idea across well. Good job
Ditto to Dreami...
Great idea for a story line... I don't think it was too long, maybe just a little repetetive in the first few stanzas.
I don't care for the way you repeated the first stanza at the end because it doesn't apply anymore in that sense, but you could refer back to it from a different perspective.
I like this line/idea...
Though I'm not sure "distraught" is the best adjective for breeze here. Instead of the next line, his heart was broken in two, I think you should carry this imagery of the harmony out a little more.
Good poem overall
:thumb:
OooOh. I actually liked this! Sometimes the rhythms seemed a little forced, but I liked the imagery and the story very much. Good job!
Thanks for the suggestions
I tend to hate rhyming in poems. If it happens naturally in some parts, whatever, but there was definitely some forced rhyming going on here. When you have to put a semicolon in the middle of the line...you might be forced rhyming.
In the second stanza: I'm sorry, drearily? Ugh, I hate that whole line.
Anyway, other than that, I liked it.
Thank you Dreami for your ideas. Yeah, I noticed some of the rhythm when I reread it. Thanks you very much
Cool poem! Its really well written, good descriptions. Its a solid piece of work.
The only thing that could be better is the rhyming. Like, In the first stanza, you use an ABCD pattern, but in the fourth stanza, for example, you use an ABCCB pattern. If you could get a similar pattern, maybe use no rhyming words at all, I think it would be better.
And also, in some stanzas or verses, you have five lines, but in others you have only four. If you developed a steady pattern of the number of lines, it may help the poem too.
-Dreami