Tapestry of Ages
The labyrinth of life
Bewildering and mesmerizing
A great tapestry of time
Intricate and perilous
All we can see is the rugged path before us
As threads in the vast portrait
Delicate arms reaching out into the oblivion
Ignorant of the peril outside their sphere of comfort
Maneuvering, weaving through the portrait of time
We must push on
Trusting
Leaning
And relying
Incapable to see the future
We can only learn from the mistakes
And accomplishments of the past
As we weave our way through
The difficult, frustrating threadways of life
(I switched it around some so the meaning would be more clear)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Well, I still like it. XD But the ending feels better to me now.
I think a little more impact wouldn't have gone astray, but I like the idea and the writing style. A little more interest and it's a good poem.
I added a little and attempted to make the meaning more clear. Thanks for your comments everyone
I kind of have to ask where it's going? WHat's the point? It feels like you started a joke and left it hanging right before the punch line. nice style, well written, but it leaves no impact. I just can't see the point you're reaching towards. I guess my response can be summed up really easily...
eh, so?
Yeah, it was supposed to leave hanging a little... kind of wanting to know more.
ohhewwo: Yeah, I've tried my hand at fantasy before and I love it, but as my profile says, a SHORT story is nearly impossible for me. everything ends up being too complicated and loooong.
Interesting free verse. For all that there was no real conformity to the lines, it still flowed fairly well. It feels a little unfinished, though...was there going to be more or did you leave it like that on purpose? Still, good work. I like it. ^_^
That's pretty interesting.
Judging just from that, you might be a good fantasy writer.
I don't have any problems with it. Good job.