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by Wriskypump

A/N: when I say “sons” in the culminNation! i include both genders. This is also a touchy poem for many, but please please please don’t take anything in this poem the wrong way. Also, I could not get it to format very well. Sorry about that, folks!

For each of these seven Vibes, 7 Viers @each/man’s/throat…

The wind is cool for now;

for now

I Keep My Silence

Whether you think I AM you have time to render

To your labors (seeking Great knowledge or feasting atop constructs of crumbling walls):

Is this

what you have set out After? LA”3.~”@UG5HTER!!!

Is this All you have hunted?

a rabbit stew mighty fine

Those who look at morals subjectively

can always be seen justifying themselves to themselves saying, “I don’t rob or kill,” to other men

But I didn’t create game that tastes any more palatable, where you are Currently

”.1 It’s all in the attitude which a heart is prepared, Anyway

which is 2) Why i’m trying

$.3 To Acquaint you with the Chef ~

~ 4-># Why is it feasts don’t reward your affections

is it because maybe in your rowdy bashing to carve your dreams

you’ve in-joked or cur$#@ed aT the runes until they depleted God-forsaken?

you think I wanted to be Cast Behind your back like a bag of fleas

When i burst through flames, your existence eloque~nted?

Fire is marvelous, Fire is hell, and Fire is Cessation

Fire is all things, all things Objected to Me;

All things that stand in this nonsensical obstinance

Will be elements subjected to groaning... sizzling


I surely do not distort My breath as I Co-manned all time

plus +NothinG + has drain on this battery life.

But go on and do whatever’s been put in your Heart

You;’’ll be wash’d always --

Right in the Teeth that squeal with peeling when They try on a genuine smile;

upon the Feet that Have Paraded the fires of the dung pit,

AwaKenINg foul aroMas up at the heaven: the Naauseaa from hearts rage-clenching each another

days’s dEfeeatz

You could be washed as well as Filled NOW - if only you would open

The window to my rain,

CleanSing, PUrifying, & that’’s not abstraction!

Pride is an abstraction you can’t touch in any form; meeking how much TruTh is of Me is a Wellspring

He Who is only ty=rying to demonstrate how far

Down yu rest in carelessness- - -For the moment withholding MucH of my bitterness

anD Providing For Your Nakedness

Please, my sons, I Made The path to Home reaccessible

retract your tenaCious determinedness

Wise ones have the shortest biographies: their eyes, next their God

Tell you everything about them.

*biblical meanings

Pure = Loving God/wanting to see&be w/ God (for being informed & Transformed by this Companion)

Wise = respecting God/Trust God/look to God’s Direction

Holy = without a single Fault (only Christ/God Alone)

Righteous = believing in God/drawing near to Him

Wicked = far from Desiring God

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20 Reviews

Points: 162
Reviews: 20

Tue May 09, 2017 9:52 am
WanderingCloud wrote a review...

To yell you frankly, I did not clearly understand your 'poem'. I saw some meaningful insights now and then but still, consider your readers also. You do have that distinguished and unique way of writing but then, please, make it more organized.

Due to the constantly evolving minds of the new generation. We liked to create something new, something different, that something that can be distinguished easily. Correct me if I'm wrong, you are trying to create or invent a way of poetry can be portrayed right? By not limiting your self. Putting this and that. It makes no sense, okay.

We writers have to our 'work'. What I mean by work is that, we do our responsibility as a writer to make the readers understand our piece and get the point that we are trying to portray.

Think of your self as a Chef. Please, please. Take into consideration the readers. Make it organized. If not, at least give it piece by piece and let readers digest the message. Serve it to them with all your best. You already did the mixing of ingredients. Cooked them. Then serve. Let them(readers) savor the majestic combination of the materials you used.

Wriskypump says...

aight. Thanks! :)

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94 Reviews

Points: 3571
Reviews: 94

Tue May 09, 2017 4:58 am
deleted868 wrote a review...

I've been looking at this and a couple of your other poems, but I'm not quite sure what to tell you; your style of writing is most certainly unique, but it's rather chaotic and can easily confuse your readers.

I wish you included in your author's note was what you hoped to do with this poem, or at least a hint of it's overall meaning, because there's not much I understand of it.

I kind of liked the lines

Those who look at morals subjectively can always be seen justifying themselves to themselves saying, “I don’t rob or kill,” to other men
partially because they didn't have any distracting, random capitalization, or completely spaced out words. If you made your poetry a lot smoother, just like these lines, then your readers would have a much easier time in attempting to understand what your poem is trying to convey.

If you like this way of writing, then that's perfectly fine, just know that many of your potential readers will most likely be turned off by the variety of not-belonging characters within the included words themselves.

My piece of advice for you is to first write this as it comes to you, then reread in the mind of a reader, to try to see your poem from our view. If you limited the script and character use to primarily italics and maybe something like parathensis, then you allow for the reader to interpret your poem on their own terms, and can create a stronger connection between the poem and the reader. When you leave poems in this way, then it can be a lot less pleasant experience reading your poems, as you're already providing how readers should read this, and giving us any leeway.

I hope that made sense and that this was helpful!


Wriskypump says...

Too metaphorical I guess. Thank you!

deleted868 says...

A bit, I think. And I'm more of a literal thinker, so I don't think that benefitted at all. You're welcome!

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Mon May 08, 2017 11:32 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review.

So I see that you've decided to post a handful of poems in one short burst, and it's only fair if I as a knight of the Afterwatch help clean them out. of the Green Room. With that, let's jump right into the review. I had a lot of the same problems with this poem that I happened to have with the last piece of yours that I reviewed.

The seemingly irregular and infrequent usage of grammar still runs throughout this poem. I don't believe that you have to do this to get your point across. I saw that you explained it in that you were pointing out the stresses and non-stresses in your poetry (or as you described it, sound language, sight language, and symbolic language), but that's for in your head.

The reader doesn't want to read that, and you shouldn't have to point it out for them to understand it. It almost feels as if you're underestimating the intelligence of the reader by making that aspect of the poem so blatantly obvious. Maybe you'd end up taking a liking to spoken word, since that's actually reading the poem aloud and you get to hint at those parts with that language, but I'm not sure if the site is the best place for that, since we don't often do reviews on spoken word or have a means to share our voice (I wouldn't recommend it anyway for safety).

Though, we're trying to improve this poem. I'm not sure why you had to make a key at the end of the piece to explain the meanings or interpretations of the words holy, wicked, and other words similar. Instead of spelling your message out by means of simply explaining it, use poetry itself to help get your message across. Trust the reader to understand what you're trying to say.

And, even if the reader doesn't interpret the way that you wanted them to, it's better than explaining the meaning to them. Perception vs. Intention is a debate often made in poetry, or even art in general. Perception is how the reader perceives the poem, and intention is how the author intends the reader to perceive the poem. Take that into account that the two won't always be the same.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.


This review courtesy of

Wriskypump says...

While it may not be the best flowing read, and lost too much to metaphor, is the overarching theme clear tho? Cause that's all that really needs to show in the end

Kaylaa says...

I couldn't see it all that well, but judging from the language that you use it's something of a Bible reference, or it has Biblical themes involved, but I couldn't decipher much more than that to answer your question.

Wriskypump says...

oh well, a few here and there don't make it to the bloom of full potential. win some lose some

I communicate much better on paper than I do when I open my mouth.
— Aaron Sorkin