The Homicide of not having Hegira

Ayooooo! Aleta here to review your poem. Even though the letters and symbols and the random capitalization get in the way they actually made me end up laughing instead. I can totally imagine a dude narrating this all in a crazy high pitched voice and making all the noises displayed in the poem. I've never seen writing like this in a poem before so its kinda cool. It definetly is something I'd read again though because to me the thought of a guy on drugs narrating it is awesome. Especially this... "beep.beep.beep.BeEeP--SMASH!! #S ***+u!" (killed me right there haha), and "EE{EeeE}k An < Extra Sharp // Alarm>" and "Buh-bumpeTy-ba! Bah-bobbii-Eescreee!!: With a BALLYHOOOO" This actually kind of reminds me of this video I watched on Youtube about this guy who was high on flakka making noises like that.
Now, I'll get into the actual reviewing with the pieces I understand.
"February's Thin ICE sqWuealling: this state I fought from -

Not Knowing the foe who has reduced you to trying eagerly to whet & FiRe the pistons of life!

Nigh is the Night in which you remember, even with all My straining might i couldn’t increase my height!

That’s how lowly we were...

The Sun, for Now, still on us sheds Time—but I...

here Death Knells"
Although this line is entirely metaphorical, I'm imagining an old time battlefield that's icy and cold outside and a line of men waiting for their enemies to arrive. I like the way you word things, although it takes me a minute to understand its meaning. So the foe is reducing you to a lower state, and in turn makes you desperately try to fire back and fire up life once again. I believe the speaker is talking about, when they say increasing their height, by actually becoming a bigger or greater person and then looks down about how lowly they were. The speaker than goes on to say the sun will give them a little more time until their foes arrive, but the speaker contradicts that by saying they are quite pessimistic and hear death knells. I like this message a lot because your poetry makes me think.
(**hear by the way not here)

"isten as the harvest is destroyed, Raped, mown down, that wind" I like this line as well because the words you are using let us now the wind is awfully powerful and these words were striking just like the wind.

"Finally the day came for the gas to be lit in your face, and the crops of your field

fizsled like the grace disguising the soul! Horrible Old Soul, .old Soul of a Witch!" In this line I can smell the scent of pertrolum and burnt crops hanging about the air. Now I know for sure this poem is likely about olden times.

Although I liked some parts of the poem and didn't understand others, I think your poem hops around a lot. That's okay as long as it has a prevalent theme but because its not very organized and does have random letters it gets confusing at some points. I know that they're at the same place in time, at least I believe, but I don't have a clear grip on what's going on. Otherwise I enjoyed this.

Cheers!

Hello, Wriskypump! I'm here from review team Vader's Raiders!

So, the first thought I had when I looked at this was "it's too long, the format is off, and the words look all jumbled". My first impression did throw me off, and I didn't really want to read it because honestly it looks confusing. However, I did like a large portion of it (the parts that I understood), and I believe it could be a great piece.

Since it's in the poetry section, I'll assume this is free verse. I'm not a fan of free verse just because it usually has no rhythm to it, and yours sadly also lacked rhythm. This can be mended, however, I'm not going to go verse by verse to try to help you with that because it's very very long. You need stanzas as Birdman said in his review. When you have stanzas, the reader automatically wants to read your work because of the organized state of the poem. The bold words and random caps threw me off again when I was reading and so did the symbols. Don't get me wrong there are parts of this that I adored, but a lot of it was confusing because of the way you wrote it with bold, caps, and symbols. I wouldn't try so hard to make it stand out as you are. Let the words of your work speak for themselves.

The message I didn't quite get. I know there was something about judgement towards God or something similar, but again with your wild writing style I really couldn't tell. Also the emotion in this poem is either not there or hidden within all the long confusing sentences. It just in general wasn't clear, and didn't leave any impact.

Overall, I really think this could be great, but when I was reading it, it was almost like a puzzle. So, if I were you I'd find a clear, and concise way of writing this; and go over the meaning again to make it as clear as possible.

~Ruby <3

Hey there Wriskypump. Birdman here, flying in to help rescue your work from the green room.

I have to admit, that at first I was very put off by the sort of random characters because it was just making my eyes melt. But after awhile, it actually started to make some sense to me and I do like the emphasis of the caps, kind of stressing on the importance of a word when the emotion starts to fail. Even the bold was easier to accept after time. In the same way that I grew to like the caps for emphasis, I disliked the use of the characters more and more. They remind me of when people flood literary works with emojis and leaves the same bad taste in my mouth. I know it's not the same thing but I make the same connection in my mind and that is mainly what drove me away.
There's also this slight air of screaming that comes with all of the caps you are using, that tugs at my mind and approval.

Stanzas? You definitely need them man. And there are certain lines that would benefit from a bit of splicing and splitting and shifting. (the center alignment also threw me but I guess that was a byproduct of trying to format everything into emphasized manner.) The stanza cuts and line cuts would be really easy to make if you actually tried. So I'm guessing you weren't really going for them. They need to be experimented with in this poem because I think the organizing of the thoughts would make it easier to concentrate on the individual events going on. And as I'll talk about later on, easier to connect them to the grand point of your story.

Overall? The whole thing reads as angst and a sermon written by a teen, blaming things on other people and on God as well. I picked this up despite the very obvious Christian impact because I thought there might be a good poem hiding behind. Nope. The only emotion I get coming across to me is a form of whining and it's a bit desperate tbh.
There were slight rhyme schemes running in the background here, which was quite enjoyable for the period that they lasted but then they died out quickly. I think the main force acting against your poem is the inconsistency and jumping around from point to point but never really getting back to the main one. (at least in an easily noticeable way)

As a final point, I'd like to say that this poem could be good, you just need to re-assess your priorities. Do you want this wild style that you've created to go on? Or do you maybe want to adapt it a bit more, find a focus point in the style to stick to, and then move on from there? Any sort of writing is a battle of style vs viewership and a tough call to make but it needs to be made here.

I'm thinking of checking out the rest of your poems and essays, so you'll be seeing me around.
Good luck.
Birdman