Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Art » Culture


beings Stared at

by Wriskypump


“Every truth passes through 3 stages before it is recognized. At first, it is disdained and/or brushed off with closed eyes. If it is promoted for a period of time further, it is acutely opposed. Finally, it presents itself as self-evident.” (Arthur Shopenhauer) 

We can see human nature is selfishness, hate, and doubt. Love, selflessness, and faithfulness rival those traits. Strange that that should be the biblical God’s nature under the microscope. Sadly, that very microscope has been a tool used to butcher and divert people from belief in God, constructing a faithless, selfish, and skeptical world that only looks toward itself to substitute what may indeed be Facts, but which I consider to be answers that are not fully developed & bridge many assumptions.

{Verse: 1}

First time I cognisized it...

For some reason,

I grappled it closer to meee

It wasn’t something I was needing,

it was something i was feeling

Like liquid Napalm it was emanating like a near-forgotten song,

or olfactory smell

To punch ya breath-taken







Sometimes it seemed kind of demandin’ - - - - -!!!

But What a recollection; ---

How I saw a heart beating completely: - ~ !~ `

( “to human being foreign” )

Its Personality affirmative

as a childhood scent from the stuffy garage

as difficult to remember the scenery as it occurred...







But I was in my infantile steps even then

Standing by as understanding didn’t matter in this Great Simplicity

broken at the threshold, Staring into eyes that had mine in mind

As a baby who comes to their senses innately knows momma & da-da

For the .0000001 of all there is to know that humans praise themselves upon knowing, science just explains and/or categorizes what is happening. It doesn't mean things happen because we learned how it works. Gravity did not come into existence the hour Sir Isaac Newton discovered it. Someone set that in place during the forming of the universe. All we learned is how to manipulate a world functioning according to something else. That someone had to be The God. The Big Bang Theory doesn’t erase God’s existence; it means if there was an explosion, He breathed the first particles into existence to ignite that. 

God is responsible for human life forms who go around trying to learn about every detail God created. Many of us must lust to obtain his place or something; to create a heaven on earth ourselves using our own Acumen of understanding to observe and exploit, to reach a position of god-like authority. Trying to resurrect that Ol’ Babylon tower, still so-long afterward?

{Verse 2:}

Hardly knew I multiplication but Melancholy swarmed me like vultures

. . .

In this Begins the Beginning and the End.

Near to the broken-hearted

That’s what is Said. Let it come.







“You can’t just go off of a feeling,”

I’ve re-proved it many times since then.

I never did it for sense of community,

nor the security of like-minded people

He was there for me, every Adversiity;

So my heart burned for Him.







Forget the Church Game;

His tender compassion feels you all Of Time

Draw near as

Unto A wishing well





All He says is

When you Seek Me,

with all the guts in your entrails.:..

There will be some Direct response from me

Taste I am Good

And I approach relatively swiftly to distressed callers

For one of such Great Standing

Why did that scare you into substituting Coarse lies for consoling sweet promises?

Death is the Natural State but, I am now glimpsing beyond

pity-party empathy

Of course, when I discuss with my sister these topics, I can’t ignore that each individual trusts their own personal beliefs. Science is observation at a highly discriminatory level. But it can be done from your living room couch. Because in it’s simplest form, it is Research. Here’s just one example of popularly accepted science which appears may be incorrect http://www.icr.org/article/do-stars-still-form-today/ These are the results of discovery that manifest after only a short time of privately seeking God. He says “Call on me & I will show you great & wondrous things that you do not know.”



I am constantly shown things in my life & provided for in absurd ways when I ask, and I wanna listen to your side too. We’ll each come away with our own conclusion. Could our views remain unchanged? Compromised? Change fully? These choices all belong to the owner. Teaching is all one can do for the next, then in private, any new information must mix in the needles toward an ultimate decision. When and Where do we let parts of our past selves go? Challenge is change. Morals can’t be morals and change, that’s children pretending to play life. The world won’t change until Jesus returns, but one by one, people’s lives have been Altered when they give their life to Jesus and Are never the same & radically propelled by true trust & love for our Maker. Few ever do this baselessly. I know I am one of many beings, Stared at.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
268 Reviews


Points: 16607
Reviews: 268

Donate
Fri May 19, 2017 4:18 am
View Likes
rosette wrote a review...



Hi, it's me again.
OKAY. First of all. That phrase after verse one about science and gravity and the Big Bang is amazing. No, it's AMAZING. I don't just like the way you worded it, but the facts you have in there. I personally found that your strongest statement in here. And yes, some may roll their eyes when they read it, but dude, that is straight up powerful. (Do ya mind if I steal it?)

But moving on.
The Actual Review
I think you appropriately put this under the "Art" description, since it is a little... artsy? I like everything you said on in your paragraphs, they made sense, they flowed along quite nicely but I will say, I kind of lost you on the last paragraph. I felt like you were stretching things a bit far. I was sitting here nodding my head, considering the questions (Could our views remain unchanged? etc.) when you suddenly hit me with the world won't change until Jesus returns. You then proceed to preach. And end with your title: I know I am one of beings, Stared at. That was quick, and to be honest, I found it all rather rushed. Aargh, I'm going to sound like I did in the other review when I asked if you could go into more detail about this whole Jesus thing. Sorry! But once more, you kind of just threw the "Jesus is the answer to all your problems!" slogan at us without any why's or how's. Okay, you get my point.

Lemme focus on the "beings, Stared at." I don't get it. Maybe I missed something when I was reading, but exactly who is staring at us human beings? God, yes. But it sounds kind of creepy in this context. Like, he's just staring at us because what else is there to do. That statement didn't quite fit where you going with the last paragraph, either. You're talking about Jesus is the only hope, and give your life to Him, and few ever commit to Him without thinking, and now suddenly you're one of many beings, Stared at. I don't see it. What are you trying to say here?

Many of us must lust to obtain his place or something; to create a heaven on earth ourselves using our own Acumen of understanding to observe and exploit, to reach a position of god-like authority.

Well, amen! But now get ready for some super biased opinion. I don't like the "or something". Every. Single. Time. I read it in a sentence with this usage I cringe. It just sounds so weak to me. Surely there's another word or phrase that relates to obtaining His place. You can't just leave it at "or something". What is this other "or something"? We lust to obtain His place or be our own gods or something related to that. I'm asking you from the very depths of my soul to replace this with a better idea.

For the most part, I like your paragraphs/statements, choppy though they could be. But your lyrics really put me in a puzzle. Actually, only one verse in particular.
First time I cognisized it...
For some reason,
I grappled it closer to meee
It wasn’t something I was needing,
it was something i was feeling
Like liquid Napalm it was emanating like a near-forgotten song,
or olfactory smell
To punch ya breath-taken

So, I'm confused. What's the "it"? You never do clarify what "it" is, and it seems rather important to know, considering you start off with "it" and show how important "it" was.
as a childhood scent from the stuffy garage

excuse me for pointing this out, but I liked this line a lot. Don't ask me why. It just made perfect sense.


Overall
When I read first this, I was so baffled. I had no idea what you were talking, and it seemed like a random assortment of thoughts/opinions of Wrisky. But re-reading this multiple times for this review, I get it. I have to say, I really like this. You make quite a few good points, and the verses fill everything out nicely. It's not a random assortment of thoughts, but actually a really brilliant work. The whole flow of this, I thought, was choppy in some places, and while I admire your stylistic choice, at some points, it made it difficult to read.


But, thanks a bunch for sharing this! I may or may not stalk your profile to read more of your works, let's not talk about it, anyhow; and, I do hope you found this review helpful. If you're suspicious or angry about anything I said, er... never mind.

Have a great day, and keep up your writing, Wrisky!
I'll catch ya later.




Wriskypump says...


You're so sweet, Rosie! (wait. how the heck does one spell rosey?). I really enjoyed your review! And that you put so much time into it, like reading it multiple times? (most ppl often rush their reviews from what I've seen). So, wow, I see you probably put more effort into the review than I had to in writing it. Cause the poem came easy (for once) and I kind of re-drafted majorly a work I did 5 years ago in summer school, which I figured might come in handy one day, and my eyes were basically granted to see that these two could go hand in hand. ;)

Now I will proceed to answer some of your questions. Do I mind if you steal the thoughts about Newton, gravity, and the Big Bang? You can steal every single one of my writings, or any pieces if that you prefer, or any pieces you want to expand on, and run Anywhere you want to with them. I will not copyright anything, disperse freely!

"I know I am one of many beings, Stared at." - I draw this idea partially from "...though He is not far from each one of us." His power & Life & Love hovers over everyone's shoulder & in their mind, whether they think so or no. When I say "it" at the beginning, I mean mostly just God, but also a little bit of the wonder of how the world came to be, and how the universe started. I think you may have gotten that subconsciously already, especially if you read it multiple times as you have. (I feel like if I write too smoothly, it's easy for a mind to get lulled into it and just coast over parts of the work). It's part of making another mind have to snag, so it will dig. I know if it flows like water over lily pads it can make me just start training over words without really understanding the concepts in full expertise. Sorry about the "or something;" that something would pretty much be... extreme skepticism or reproach without fair un-prejudice to look for what is true rather than what might feel personally good/understandable to a T.
Thanks so much! If I could I would give you like 5 likes for your review

My greatest unknown however, my lurking question, you did not address however. What did you think of the reasoning in that link!?! *breathes harder &dies.*



Wriskypump says...


So I felt a lingering feeling telling me i forgot to say something. Actually it was 2 I realized after reading your review again!

I didn't tell you why I didn't clarify "it" early on in the poem. I feel there are some lines in there like "Forget the Church Game;" that just make it without a real need to elaborate on it, because It All-in-All seems pretty self-explanatory by the second half, eh?

This line: "as a childhood scent from the stuffy garage" - Like I know the feeling that really palpated with you there. I could hardly find words to describe it, I could only really get the atmosphere, "emanating like a near-forgotten song..." And I thought that was the most potent line in the whole thing practically

And yes, all of a sudden, about 1 hour later, the correct spelling, rosy, appeared out of nowhere in the caves of my noggin O.O

Thanks double-time for your insight once-a-triple time a'gane!



rosette says...


xD your replies are almost as long as my review!

So, you're welcome for the review, and thanks for explaining the "beings, Stared at" part (that's interesting), and I kind of was getting that impression with the "it"s. But I wasn't sure if you were going to do some huge plot twist on me, and "it"'d end up being something else, OR if it was what I was leaning towards.

Oh yeah! The link! My word, I totally skipped over that in the review, didn't I? But I did read it - I promise! Okay, honestly, why would people even build a belief off of something they haven't even seen, just believe happened, therefore it happened. I kind of think they need proof there. And they get mad at Christians for us supposedly having no proof of God's existence. *sigh* Anyway, excuse that. I'm with the dude here on Genesis - God made the stars on the fourth day, and that's that.

Also: thank you for not copyrighting! Just you watch. I'll be using that phrase right and left come one of these days.

Spoiler! :
Believe it or not, I like "Rosie" better than "Rosy", and you ought to be thanking your lucky stars because I usually get so mad when people call me that, but I laughed here. Guess it's only fair, if I call you Wrisky, anyhow ;)



Wriskypump says...


I think there are two kind of people in the world. When I was a kid I became hellbent on discovering the meaning of life, so I knew for sure I would at least walk in the direction of something that was not a waste of my time. I did not care about discovering myself, because that seemed pretty self-evident.

hahahaha, can I call you Rosita Stone, and for short just Rosita or "Stone"? and call you Poinsettia for code name? (which was never said here...)



rosette says...


It is pretty self-evident. Well, I suppose, as long as you follow God's plan...

Yes, yes, yes! The more nicknames, the better ; )



User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 1150
Reviews: 15

Donate
Sun May 14, 2017 1:09 pm
View Likes
With3r3dros3 wrote a review...



Heeey there, WriskyPump! With3r3dros3 here for a review. This is the first time I've come across your work and I'm so excited to review it!!

I'd say overall this work is pretty good. I did enjoy reading it. I did see a few errors, but they were mainly the same thing over and over again.

Well, here's one spelling error I saw:

"First time I cognisized it"


Cognisized isn't a word. I think you meant to put cognized?

One thing that is driving me INSANE is putting unnecessary caps in random places in the verses. For example:
"That's what is Said. Let it come"

"Unto A wishing well"

"All He says is"


Another thing that drives me kind of insane but not really is in some parts of the verses, it starts off with a lower case letter. For example:
"with all the guts in your entrails.:.."

Hey, why is there a colon there? Anyways, here's another line that starts with a lower case letter:
"it was something i was feeling"


Is the random capitalization suppose to be there? Are the random lower case letters suppose to be there? The main errors I found were in the verses.

Okay, that was a lot to get out. But other than that, there's nothing else I have to say other than I didn't really feel emotion. I'm gonna promise you it wasn't you, but it was me because I was WAAAY to focused on the verses. :P

Well, I think this is the end of my review. Hope it helped you! Sorry if it was too much. It was mainly spelling and grammar I decided to review, but the structure and flow are pretty good! I can't wait to see what you publish in the future!

Keep writing and best of luck! :D

xo. With3r3dros3




Wriskypump says...


Thanks! the caps is symbolic, of importance, or at least emotional importance. .:.. is symbolic of the entrails, although a ; might've been better. Thanks again!




Some call me a legacy, others call me a hero. But I assure you, dear admirers, I am only human.
— Persistence