Young Writers Society

It this what I saw in my worst nightmare, I love it and it was beautifully-made!

WOW! That was great! I love how you did it in two different perspectives! I am speechless! I normally am not a fan of poems, but I was just sucked into this one!I could just imagine and fell the pain the two of these people were in! Keep up the good work!

Hello, first can I just say that I really loved your dual narrative stance on this. It is really breathtaking as most poets focus on one persons narrative stance.

I really love your use of short sentences as it emphasizes the pain that they are both going through, yet by the separated narrative stances their pain is hidden. However, as a Poet you are able to make use of imagery techniques, much more than in other genres of writing. My advice for you in the future, as I keep saying on other pieces is just to really explore Imagery techniques, they can really benefit your writing.

Good Work!

I'm speechless! It was so beautifully written, and it isn't confusing at all. I loved it, especially how you managed to give us both perspectives. Well done!

Hello!

I really liked this poem; it talked about a real problem in the world today. People everywhere have to deal with abusive relationships and I feel like this poem really brings attention to that. My only suggestion is to maybe go into more detail and depth. Why does the narrator's partner beat him/her? How did things get started? Just simple, more detailed things will make the poem that much more relatable and heart wrenching. It will add to the emotion your readers feel when reading it.

Otherwise, it was excellent! Keep writing:)

Hey just here to do a little review.

Well first off this is deep, knowing that so many people have to deal with abuse in all sorts of relationships, where one is mad and doesn't know how to release the anger so it gets taken out the wrong way. One gets depressed over everything and looks for an escape.

Besides that, it is nicely written poem I understand where the narrator is coming from, depressed, worried things will go worse if you don't find an escape, scared he'll take things too far, but the only escape is to take the pills. The poem should also explain why he's like this, and why he's doing this to her. Just you know, go more in depth with the narrator.
Also there's no rhyming and that's a big part of poetry, but it's clear it's not here to rhyme it's here to tell a story.

This was nice little story. I hope you have a good day and all goes well
-Dom

Hey there I'm here to review. Haha let's get started!

Wow this is deep.
I remember the last relationship I was in. He was abusive- but verbally. But I understood why.He was jealous. And afraid I was going to leave him, (But it was toxic so I left-I'm glad I did) Okay anyway, why did I bring this up? You did talk about the abuse. But you need to have the reasons, or at least a guesstimate as to the reasonwhy. Even if you give hints.And I know the character is in an abusive relationship, and they can't leave.But you could mention "I do love him but I need to leave" something like that. But I do get it. I understand completely. And I like how you say the character is taking medication and sleeping on it. That gives in more insight to the overall like issues of the main character.

But really this was really good. Write more okay?
Have a nice day
~Ash

Hello~

To give you my honest opinion, the problem here is with the way you executed this idea. It's ill described. It's already somewhat of a cliche theme that you're dealing with, and it would be easy for me to chastise you for this, but nearly half of the topics that one can think of have been written about and overused by novelists and poets, and even songwriters; so it's difficult to blame you for writing about such topics just because they're somewhat worn out. Instead, I looked for how well this is written, and how well this theme (love vs. mental/physical health) is executed. To me, it was very vague. All I get from this is that the man that the narrator loves is beating her, and basically that it hurts. I could have gotten this from almost any online source. In fact, it's common knowledge.

When I'm done reading this, I can't distinguish the difference between this and every other story about depression or physical abuse. Tell me more about your personal experience, and make me empathize with what your enduring. Don't merely state facts, but dive deeper into the meaning behind those facts. Don't tell me he's beating you, tell me what it makes you feel, beyond amateur descriptions, like "helplessness" or "weakness" or "pain". Even dramatize it a little. Go down deep, and write down anything that comes to mind. For example, let's say you feel trapped. Don't say you feel trapped. Tell me what it's like to feel trapped, as if I've never felt it before.

Consequentially, this was the quote at the bottom of the page when I was writing this review:

"All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience."
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think it's somewhat fitting. Anyway, I apologize if this criticism sounded somewhat harsh. Anyone can tell a story; it's how you tell it that ascertains the difference between a writer and an artist. I hope this is of use to you; if you have any questions, I'll be happy to delve further into this topic.

Thank you for writing.

Yours,
Savvy

This seems like a poem made on the spot! It’s short, but accurately portrays the situation of a depressed person. I can tell that the speaker’s stuck in an abusive relationship and struggles to get out of it. He/she gives themselves the excuse that they love their partner when, in fact, it could be that they are scared of him.The last stanza gave me the chills!

To improve, I’d suggest you to tell us more about him. Perhaps, tell us why he’s violent.

I’d also ask you to put up a trigger warning and change the rating. This poem could be quite confronting for some people.

Except that, well done, and keep writing!