My Nose Hurts From Pressin’ it too Hard Against the Glass

Dear WaltzingDreams,

EccentricRose is pressing her face against the computer screen, jealous that you can write this good.... And no worries at all with that envy, I'm always very envious of those who can sing as well. I write a lot of music but never have the voice to carry it through. Though I'm still very happy when someone who CAN sing, is very happy when they do what they love.

The metaphors in this song and the meaning is pretty cool. Congratulations! As I've mentioned in other poems, I can never find anything wrong with other people's work, so I am delighted to be able to be the one to tell you how awesome your work is.

This part was what I really liked best. You can feel the frustration...but then it had a humorous note in it as well when you added the "eh". (I'm Canadian by the way so I love that word. It's a stereotype for us...)

Music and me. Why can’t we be?!

Sounds like one-sided love, eh?

I really like the main image of pressing your nose against the glass, that's a vivid way to get the listener to feel that exclusion. I wonder if you even need the first verse of this - "I wish that I could sing...." because that's spelling out the problem rather than drawing in the listener through images. It's almost like you're hitting us over the head with a hammer to make sure that we get it. Instead of spelling out the problem, maybe you could expand on some of the other images: what does it feels like when music fills the air softly? What kinda of emotions spring up in you? And what does it feel like when you hear a giddy tune? Do you feel flushed, excited, wanting to dance but you can't because your feet feel like they're trapped in blocks? Letting us feel your longing to participate in these different moods music conveys will help us understand how deeply you want to be part of the music without you having to say "I wish their voices were mine."

Yes, yes lots and lots of envy. Do you need some ice? My freezer is out of ice at the moment, but I would love to get you some for that extremely sore nose of yours. This really speaks to a lot of people. Pressing their noses or their faces to something, wishing they could be the ones that people are cheering for. That they could be the ones that are creating that wonderful music, literature, drama, etc. It's difficult, and we find ourselves having to remember that nothing will happen if we just sit around wishing these things would happen. We have to be proactive.

I realize that this is a song and that is why am a little disappointed. The only thing for me that reminded me that this was a song was the *chord change* after the first verse. And that was it. There was nothing else for me that helped me feel like this was a song to be sung rather than just a poem. I recommend throwing in a few more indicators like the one I mentioned to make this feel more alive.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this.