We met at the valley of youth and love
We waltzed through the sparkling night sky of bliss
We held each other in the candle-lit cove
We knew not this love was close to a-miss
*
You eloped with a stranger when I turned
You danced with them after filling me lies
You had made me love you until I burned
You had made me love your deceitful eyes
*
I now walk alone in the same valley
I hear the waltz and dance with empty arms
I watch the clouds with lifeless memory
I curse for falling for your false alarms
*
After all the storms my emotions went through,
I still find life beautiful without you
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Oh, my bones! How has no one given you the praise this deserves! Sonnets are incredibly hard to write. (At least, I think they are; I have tried to write one before.) Also, the imagery is beautiful. Surely, quite a few people could put up the fourteen lines with end rhyme in the right scheme; but the unprofessional (in some ways, like me) would quickly lose all that they meant to say. It happens, but you did not let that happen. You pushed forward with the same force just as well as you could have if you had not used the sonnet's form. Brilliantly done, WaltzingDreams! Of all writings nowadays, truly great poetry receives the least due praise. Well, I give you that due praise! Huzzah and hooray! You really did well. Robert Frost and many others poetic giants of the past may rightly tip their hats to you.
I say, I have only two minor complaints: perhaps you should change "filling" in "filling me lies" to "telling," "giving," feeding," "off'ring (Even Shakespeare often omitted vowel sounds for the right meter.),"lending," or "handing." If you used "lending," then you would have alliteration, ooh. I recommend using one of these verbs in quotation marks though. The other complaint is even less important: in line 6, instead of saying "them," you might say "him" or "her." Saying that would make this more relatable since there is no such thing as a person without sex (male or female). You don't really need to take this to heart. Perhaps it is better to leave your pronoun sexless. This was a mere suggestion which you might implement.
Again, praise, praise, praise!--that is what this work deserves and I give it to you! Well done, once again. I look to forward to reading any more of your sonnets if you write some. Excellent work, WaltzingDreams! Happy writing!
Firstly, your title intrigued me - it's very, very good.
Secondly, your opening line is just beautiful.
Thirdly, there is some stunning imagery here - "We held each other in the candle-lit cove". I can picture that so well in my mind, and it's very romantic but also sort of primitive because it makes me think of the early homosapiens and whether or not they were a monogamous species capable of love.
This piece takes a dark turn just a few lines in, which is excellent because it catches the reader off guard.
The last line gets me so much, you don't even know. It's just... heartbreakingly beautiful.
My one complaint about this piece is the lack of punctuation. It still works without punctuation and I know you have a poetic license and all that jazz, I just feel like it would work even better for readers if you reconsidered your punctuation - just a thought!
Much love and great work,
Tennis
Hey!!
This was a good song. No, great is the perfect word, totally well rythmic and especially I like the title so much.
The last six lines were really nice.
Stay tuned and enjoy your day, good bye
Urba:D
Hello! Hello there!
Nice poetry and as it is mentioned as lyrical, i find it a good song. It is romantic but motivational for those who have been through the mentioned situation. Though i never have been. But, i found it really good.
Well, you should add music in it, if you want! And, nice concept, good writing, i totally appreciate it!
"I still find life beautiful without you" BEST LINE!
okay, have a good day; STAY FINE AND IN FUN!
~Min
Nice song!
Not much I could review on, but good job
I would review but I suck at songs :/
but I must say I love your word choice!
Jack
Thanks