Hey Waltzing!
I loved this poem. It was great, very descriptive, and emotional as well. I just had three little things I wanted to mention.
Rooms spin, visions blur.
Sounds fade and stomachs turn.
I noticed you had this awesome rhyme scheme going on, but not in this stanza. You may want to change it, however, I do love the flow of this part when I read it so it's completely up to you.
[/quote] Black specs dances in your eyes, [/quote]
Tiny typo here, should be dance not dances.
[/quote] Unknowing if this was your last breath. [/quote]
I'm not sure if you want to use is rather than was err, as you've been writing in present tense this whole time.
Other than that, this is very beautiful! Rather sad and slightly morbid, but I love it.
-Falco
Points: 6141
Reviews: 499
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