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Shooting Stars-Poem

by ToxicAnglerFish

I'm looking up at the sky tonight

And only seeing the stars twinkling bright

With only silence around for company

And the replay of regrets are of a deafening symphony

I reach out towards the sky

With my shaking hand and its silent cry

For the touch of someone nearby

But only the reminder of loneliness is in a far away grasp

I wonder if the stars in the sky

Are shooting stars your sending me tonight

Are you watching over me as I make my wishes?

Because the only wish I want granted is having you here with me by my side

A wish that can’t be granted no matter how many shooting stars fly by

As I long for your loving presence tonight

But instead I'm standing in your shadow of absence

It seems like the shooting stars are only mocking reminders tonight

Reminders I tried to slience

Sometimes wonder  if your up there waiting for me

If we'll dance on the shining moon together

And play among those twinkling stars

Because it would be the most beautiful thing

I didn't mean to hurt you so deeply

Give you scars on your heart

Now your gone with no closer

And I'm here with a heavy heart

I just want to say sorry and have you in my arms

To caress your face and look into your pained eyes

To kiss you and feel your warmth next to me

And say I love you with all the stars in this somber sky

As I look up at the sky tonight

I'll keep making wishes on those shooting stars

with all the love in my hurting heart

Because I'm hopeful you'll come home

And when you do I'll say my deepest repentant

Comfort you with all my affection

Tell you it's going to be ok

That I'll never hurt you again

I guess one can keep wishing

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566 Reviews

Points: 3755
Reviews: 566

Thu Sep 03, 2020 11:58 am
Magebird wrote a review...

Hi there, ToxicAnglerFish! I love star-related imagery and poems based on characters, so I just had to check out your poem.

I'll start this review off with a few grammatical nitpicks that I noticed while reading through it the first time, then move onto my actual thoughts about the narrative of the poem!

Are shooting stars your sending me tonight

Your should be you're. :)

A wish that can’t be granted no matter how many shooting stars fly by

As I long for your loving presence tonight

But instead I'm standing in your shadow of absence

Because your poem doesn't use punctuation - for the most part - these three lines come across as difficult to read. I originally paired the last two lines together in my head, but then I realized they didn't make sense when put together. Punctuation is definitely a creative choice when it comes to poetry, but it might be a good idea to utilize something like stanzas to make different sections clearer to the reader.

Sometimes wonder if your up there waiting for me

Your -> you're.

Overall, I really loved this poem! Even though the reader doesn't know your characters, they can infer enough about them to feel the same sorrow that the speaker feels. I know this poem is listed under dramatic and narrative, but it comes across as a very romantic poem. I love how intimate the speaker was with the idea of the character they're missing - and I love the idea of lovers not being together and looking up at the same sky.

I'm also incredibly intrigued by the reference to the speaker hurting the one that they loved. I understand that you probably needed to make it vague so the reader of the poem wouldn't be confused if they didn't know about the characters, but I'd love to see more about how the speaker caused them so much pain. This poem is already pretty unique, but making that one section slightly more specific would bring up a notch.

I hope my review helped! Let me know if you have any questions about - I'd be glad to elaborate. :)


User avatar
51 Reviews

Points: 68
Reviews: 51

Thu Sep 03, 2020 11:01 am
LadyGemstone wrote a review...

This is Gem climbing out of her fairy garden for a review!

I like this poem. I was a little disappointed by your word choice while spectacular word choice with unexpected vocabulary like "deepest repentant" was mixed up all in your peice, there was also repetition several times of the words 'heart' and 'tonight'. The imagery you captured in your poem is amazing as is but i feel like you could go into more detail are you in your bedroom or a blanket on the lawn? You see what I mean? We can't tell where the speaker is which makes it harder to connect with the poetry peice. Though a lack fullstops can be offputting sometimes they are a style choice. With this peice, I think full stops would help the poems rhthym. I love this poem, and I think you did wonderfully. I hope this is helpful! Keep writing!

This is Gem skipping on to the next review. Keep writing! Much love. <33333333

If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
— Anatole France