Young Writers Society

Again, I really appreciate the length of your poems. They are not short enough to be lame, and not long enough to be boring. Even though it’s probably not because of me, I like the way you made an irregular AAABBBAACA. (Search that if you dunno what it is) anyways.
Even though you do not use imagery, or metaphors or similes or personification or anything, we kinda get our own image of the sea. Resulting in our own understanding of your poem. Which is not a problem, unless you have a very clear message you want to give. When you say the part of the slow motion sea, maybe the next sentence could’ve been something about the waves..? Waves are usually used for this kind. I mean, I get that the poem itself about the sea isn’t an imagery for umm.. the turmoil of thoughts..? I guess it’s that. There’s also a clear freedom of bought with vague words and almost no references to your personal life and opinions. Overall, this is a good poem. Maybe more descriptive and it shall surely reach the spotlights

Oh the sea of mind

So vast and wide

Guaranteed to last and on the wayside This is an incomplete thought. You want to add some sort of description to the wayside that is realized there.

How quiet it must be

All alone in the slow motion sea

Let your thoughts flee Maybe you could play around with the rhyme here. Maybe think of an atmosphere where this is happening, I know you chose the beach and the mind to be related to one another but perhaps you can include a personal part or imagery of the sea mixed with the ways the mind is failing.

For you, it lets you free from troubled pleas

Let go in the sea of the mind

Blind by thoughts and words of malign

And suddenly it's gone silent

What happened to my mind? Your ending rhyme is good.

hey! So, I'm going to give this my overall thoughts so let's go!
I really enjoyed reading this poem, I felt almost transported to the beach. I do feel you say the word sea quite repetitively and the rhyming feels forced, which takes away from the message. The flow seems off, try reading it aloud and see what I mean.
I did enjoy this and keep up the great work!

-JadeLotus-