Oh the sea of mind
So vast and wide
Guaranteed to last and on the wayside
How quiet it must be
All alone in the slow motion sea
Let your thoughts flee
For you, it lets you free from troubled pleas
Let go in the sea of the mind
Blind by thoughts and words of malign
And suddenly it's gone silent
What happened to my mind?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Again, I really appreciate the length of your poems. They are not short enough to be lame, and not long enough to be boring. Even though it’s probably not because of me, I like the way you made an irregular AAABBBAACA. (Search that if you dunno what it is) anyways.
Even though you do not use imagery, or metaphors or similes or personification or anything, we kinda get our own image of the sea. Resulting in our own understanding of your poem. Which is not a problem, unless you have a very clear message you want to give. When you say the part of the slow motion sea, maybe the next sentence could’ve been something about the waves..? Waves are usually used for this kind. I mean, I get that the poem itself about the sea isn’t an imagery for umm.. the turmoil of thoughts..? I guess it’s that. There’s also a clear freedom of bought with vague words and almost no references to your personal life and opinions. Overall, this is a good poem. Maybe more descriptive and it shall surely reach the spotlights
Thank you very much
While I do like giving my own message I also like others to give their own meanings and interpretations on my poems so that everyone can enjoy them. I like to see what others think and really make people think about them.
Thank you very much! I was thinking of adding more detail since this one is quite vague to me, a little too vague. I will try to apply this if I re-write this poem
hey! So, I'm going to give this my overall thoughts so let's go!
I really enjoyed reading this poem, I felt almost transported to the beach. I do feel you say the word sea quite repetitively and the rhyming feels forced, which takes away from the message. The flow seems off, try reading it aloud and see what I mean.
I did enjoy this and keep up the great work!
-JadeLotus-
Thank you! I will try to work on the rhyme since it is meant to be a rhyming poem