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Sky High

by ToxicAnglerFish

Oh the sky, it's so pretty

So high and endless

It's as big as infinity and time

Were birds go to fly their feathered of guides of the sky

To where fluffy clouds of bliss float about

carelessly and freely

Its pretty baby blue color

To how it houses the stars that twinkle in the silent night

Oh how it's so pretty, so high

Where freedom has a meaning

And dreams never die

I wish I could be sky high too.

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279 Reviews

Points: 2762
Reviews: 279

Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:00 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...

I like this poem. I find it to be very relatable. I have a few things I'd like to point out.
Firstly, there were a fair few grammar errors. Firstly, in the fourth line, 'Were' should be 'Where' and I'm also not certain what you were trying to say in this line. I'd play with the word choice a bit.
Also, 'carelessly' should be uppercase, for consistency.
In the line after that, 'Its' should be 'it's' and this is just my opinion, but I feel that 'Pretty baby blue' is a little bit funny sounding. But that might just be me. Plus, I think this line should come after the next line. There, I think you need to change 'how' to 'where' and add a comma after 'Oh' though, I really think this line should be cut out, and I feel it doesn't really add anything to the poem as a whole. Also, it connects the next line to the previous.
I really like the line 'Where freedom has a meaning' this line is great, and I don't think you should change anything about it. In my opinion, I think this should be the last line in the poem. If you'd like to keep the last two lines, great! It's just that this line really sells what I feel is the theme of the poem, and it's a nice conclusion.
I love this poem, I find it to be very relatable, and I really did enjoy reading this! (Despite me pointing out it's negatives) I had a lot of fun with it, and I can't wait to read your next poem!

Keep on writing! And have a good day!

Thank you very much for the review! Grammar isn' really my best suit so you pointing it out for me actually helps a lot! And I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!

Horisun says...


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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:55 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this rainy day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So I only saw one very small thing I would like to talk to you about.

Were birds go to fly their feathered of guides of the sky

So I'm not quit sure what you meant to say in this sentence. It seems a little all over the place, maybe you should try rewording it a little.

Well other want that I really like this poem. There was a time in my life when I felt like this, just wanting to be free nothing holding you bad, and you are able to escape reality. Even to this day I still feel like that. So this poem, meant something something to me.
I also like the small amount of emotion that was in the poem, it just made it feel much more real. I also love the choice of words you have picked. They just complete the poem. Pulling everything together.
The thing that made it all for me was the way your poem just flowed together like a river, it was very nice to read.

Well that's all from me for now. I'm glad I had the chance to read and review your poem, I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night ether one is fine.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Thank you very much for your review! Yeah, I agree that the stanza does seem out of place so I was thinking of removing it anyway. But again thank you for the review and for enjoying my poem so much!

I'm glad I could help. :D

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109 Reviews

Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:05 am
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silvermoon17 wrote a review...

just thought i'd come drop a review to help this out of the green room. I really like how you end with a nice rhyme- even though it might have been even better if you had rhymed the last sentence with (meaning).
For the first part, i think the first sentence sets really well the tone- and even though (infinity) and (pretty) rhyme, we kinda miss it because of how you add (and time) right afterwards. i think (Oh the sky, it's so pretty/ So high and endless (and something to have the same number of syllables)/ It's as big as time and infinity/..) so that it rhymes, and so that it has a rhythm. the part of the birds is nice, but i think you tried too much to add bits like (feathered guides) etc, even though a shorter sentence would have fitted just fine. one part i really liked, is when after all this text we believed was evolution, you return to your first sentence. (Oh how it's so pretty, so high). i think people use it naturally, because it makes us think this is not a *new* thought. as if this is almost a random thought, barely a sigh. i think i already told you how much i love how you ended, that last stanza is probably my favorite, even though
(where freedom has a meaning
And dreams never die
i wish I could be sky high too,)
if (meaning) and the last sentence rhymes, this poem would have surpassed the stage of memorable.
keep writing, you really have potential ^^

Thank you for the review and the criticism! I really appreciated it and also thank you for helping me to get out of the green room! And I will keep trying to work on my potential!

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems