You're like a CD
Playing music someone ought to love
But that person you thought that loved your album
Used you so much
You got scratches from the wear and tear
Your music begins to sound broken and corrupted
Stopping and glitching
Despite how you sound, they still use you
Till you become a broken disk
Then they throw you away because they can't use a broken CD that no longer plays those once sweet melodies now turned to broken tunes.
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Canary word: Present
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139,455 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Told ya it would reach the spotlights
Hahah, thank you! It's such an honor!
Hi!
My name is M, and I definitely enjoyed this poem!
It's a unique idea, and you used imagery really well to your advantage. I'll only have a few very minor suggestions for you, nothing big at all.
First, line 9, the word "till" should actually be 'til. That's the correct grammar, I believe.
Your ending is quite amazing. However, I feel like you could have phrased it better. Every other line in this poem is short and sweet, but the last one is very long in comparison. Maybe you intended it to be this way, in which case, that's fine! But if not, break it up a little. It'll help with flow.
I also suggest adding punctuation so it looks more professional.
Okay, now that I'm done being a stick in the mud I'd like to say that I really liked this poem! The message is brutal and emotional and I feel for whoever is the subject of such mental and emotional abuse. Very good job!
I can't wait to read more of your art!
-M
Thank you very much! Also, thank you for pointing out the things that could improve! You were not a stick in the mud
I really like the imagery, but I’ll (of course) change my review, since I’m not an English teacher. Anyways, yes; I really like the imagery- but I also like how short, and yet sticking it is. I know you might feel a bit.. maybe hurt.. but can I ask you something.. do you feel like you have more than a personality? Just asking, please don’t take me wrong.
I like how you begin, it’s sets the tone rather fast; and I like how you end with the end (death) which is something quite poetic and memorable. But you must watch out for the rhythm. Maybe you’ve learned that already, but the best in a poem is as important as the one in a song.
That’s why your ending doesn’t really work, but it does give a memorable ending. I like how the evolution of the CD follows the course of what is, a used existence; and I absolutely love all the ways you can find messages in your words. It’s beautiful how, in so little words; you are able to make us see things you never meant to put in there. I can say your poem meant about a loy of things, maybe they are wrong; but that’s what a good poem’s all about. It makes you think.
Thank you for the review. As mentioned before I wasn't hurt by your past reviews so you don't have to change the way you review pieces on YWS but I'm glad about this review since it was more detailed.