Young Writers Society

Hello, i'm here to review this poem. I liked yow you described Lady Berry with "eyes of dark and perfectly ripe berries" and "dark brown hair that curls and bounces like her body". It feels as if the narrator sees the lady through idyllic glasses and has an infatuation or at least a small crush on her. Lady Berry seems like a woman who enjoy the finer things in life, has the voice of a nightingale and loves being the center of attention. Nothing wrong with that so long as one does not exaggerate. I like how you said "she's got some talent too you know/she can sing and blow kisses like she's an expert at it", it shows admiration for her melodious voice as well as being head over heels for her. "She's a woman of grace and luxury, something society can't touch"...very true. You end up your poem in a longing note, which i think is a nice touch.

Hello ToxicAnglerFish! I'm here to review this very sweet poem.

This is a really lovely poem and a very enjoyable read. I like the simple language and imagery you use throughout.

I've got a couple of small critiques. The first has to do with line length, in that a few of your lines (3 in particular) are much longer than the rest.

Lady Berry, A soft lipped, pale-skinned, berry plump in the right spots kind of lady

Lady Berry, A soft lipped, pale-skinned,
berry plump in the right spots kind of lady

Look at Lady Berry. walking down the street, city lights shining on her like she’s in the spotlight

Look at Lady Berry. walking down the street,
city lights shining on her like she’s in the spotlight

She’s a woman of grace and luxury, something society can’t touch

She’s a woman of grace and luxury,
something society can’t touch

She’s a woman of grace and luxury, untouchable

Makes me stare at her like a person to a window shop

Seen her do it, men and woman, both at the club

Seen her do it to men and woman both, at the club

Hey!

I quite enjoyed this lil read! Just wanted to provide some things that I picked up (but may or may not be intentional - I'm usually pretty terrible at picking out intentional things...).

Grammatically, soft lipped would make more sense to me if it were hyphenated. If that's intentional, you do you!


Also, the line "Look at Lady Berry. walking down the street, ..." feels like it would be better suited as follows:

Look at Lady Berry. (or a comma, whichever you'd like)

Walking down the street, ...


Lastly, I'm just being picky but:

"She’s got some talent too you know"
She's got some talent too, you know,


Other than that, I think this is a great lil poem (I'm a fan of Lady berry, for sure!). Hope this helps!

- Callie