Young Writers Society

Thank you for all the reviews everyone! I am surprised to see how much attention this particular poem got! There are a lot of reviews and while having to type out a full response to each one would be long, thank you again for reviewing! I will most likely revised this poem since everyone seemed to really enjoy it!

Hey, Fish!

This is a really relatable issue, and I definitely can feel the emotion being expressed in the piece. Needless to say, the word choice is very easy to discern exactly what this piece is about and how the speaker is actually feeling. It's very effective for its purpose!

I think it struggles more in its depth as a piece. On the surface, it's very clearly about anger toward a particular person and that some issue triggered this moment to occur. However, it's never really clear to me when a good time for this would be. "It's not the time" is repeated several times in the piece, but this indicates that there IS a good time to be scolded to the ground, and I'm not sure that's the message you're going for.

There are other themes in this piece, however, that I think it would be BETTER to latch onto. For instance, the poem easily ends on a note that suggests the "dad" in this poem is unfairly judgmental, and that anything "mom" says doesn't actually hold water. The piece could choose to support this particular theme as I find that an interesting concept -- the idea that two parents aren't working together as a team in raising their child.

Another idea is to simply dive into the speaker's feelings and exactly why they feel so victimized. Why is "dad" saying all these things to the speaker? Why does the speaker hear them often? What does the speaker intend to do about it or how does the speaker choose to handle their damaged pride and self-confidence? Or IS their pride/self-confidence damaged? Perhaps they intend to show "dad" wrong?

So there's a lot of directions this can go. As it stands, it feels more like a rant with less direction as to its theme and what it's relating to specifically.

I do like the voice, however. It's very strong and clear, and I think this can really do with some polish before it can stand on its own.

Hope that didn't sound too confusing! Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hi, there! I'm @Daughter, here to leave you a review!

This piece hit home. I've had similar feelings about people in my family - particuarly my father. Mental abuse is a real thing, and when it comes from multiple sources, that's a burden no one should bear. My deepest condolences. I wish I could be there to help you.
However, since I cannot, I can just give you the best review for your work that I can, and hope that your situation gets better. And I'm sure it will, but until then, please don't hesitate to DM me if you're ever in need of someone to talk to that might understand. I'm here for you. <3

Now, let's hop into the review.
You do a really good job displaying how you've been affected by what has happened to you. I can really and truly feel the emotion of this piece whilst I read it. You have a few grammatical issues, but those are easy fixes. Let me point them out for you:

...if im I'm under 18 and your you're over 18

Nows Now's not the time

I can really relate to this and I hope you're feeling better 😊.

Besides obvious punctuation and grammar, I really like the flow of this poem.

"One minute mad because I said something stupid

Did something stupid

Next to trying to upset me more as you act stupid"


That's alot of stupid but I get it. Maybe change the last line to
"Next trying to upset me more, acting like a child."
Or something like that.

And also " I stopped now you stop "
to "try and act your age"

I hope you have a great rest of your day

p.s sorry about the other two. This is the last time I try to do this from my phone XP

Hey ToxicAnglerFish!

I review and know much more about prose than I do about poetry. Feel free to take my suggestions with a grain of salt!

Don't you see me getting angry at something

Don't you see me crying now because of you

Don't you see me sob?

Stop saying to "Buck up"

Stop with the "Cry Fest" BS

Next to trying to upset me more as you act stupid

Stop with the "Feeling sorry for yourself" sh*t

Nows not the time

Because it's not always about that

Sometimes it's me and things affecting me

I stopped now you stop

Regardless if im under 18 and your over 18

Hi ToxicAnglerFish!

My name is Elinor, and I hope you're doing well! I thought I would drop by to give you a quick review.

Overall, I'm less knowledgable with poetry than I am with prose, but I still enjoy and appreciate it as a medium. I know you said that it's a vent poem, and those can definitely be healthy. I'm not sure if you want to do anything more with it, but I do think that this being a message for your parents is something that a lot of people will be able to latch onto and connect with.

I like the first few lines, as it's definitely something I can relate to. My main comment would be to bring the reader into this story, and your mindset. Poetry, to me, is about evoking a feeling whereas prose is about telling a story. I think this can be shorter. If I were you I'd zero in on a feeling, maybe of the dad knocking at the door.

I hope this was helpful. Keep writing, and please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions at all!

Cheers,
Elinor