Ghost, oh Ghost
Whatever happened to you
What did you do
That was so wrong of you
To where you must be imprisoned in eternal dismay
Did you murder someone you know with hate
Or did you die because you were old from times hand
Maybe you took the final blow to yourself to the head
It is a wonder really what happened to you
Why you still wander when you were gone long ago
Maybe your soul is corrupted?
Or maybe you refuse to accept your death
Maybe you just don’t know
Oh I wonder what my reasons will be
When I leave this world one day in the future
Will we all become ghosts as you did too
What will we do when we close our eyes for the final time
What will they do when they learn the news of our passing
Kinda want to become a ghost-like you did too
So I can know
How it’s like to be a ghost too
Are you sad? Lonely?
Well I am too
So let me become a ghost
So we can be sad but no longer lonely together too
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey there!
This is quite an interesting poem. It's unique and one of a kind. I enjoyed reading it! I have a few things I'd like to point out. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to
The first thing I'd like to mention is line length. You usually have medium or longer lines, but sometimes you have very short, almost abrupt lines. Since most of your poem consists of longer lines, I'd stick with having them at that length than having random short ones.
Another thing I'd like to mention is punctuation, specifically question marks. You only use question marks about three times, but your whole poem is asking questions, which doesn't seem very consistent. You can just not use question marks at all, or you can use question marks more consistently, such as after every three questions or so, that's just an example.
Another thing I'd like to mention are stanzas. Right now, your poem is a block of text, which can appear intimidating. I'd recommend using stanzas, so your poem would be easier to read and look more inviting.
This is a personal opinion, but I wouldn't use "kinda" You can keep it if that's what you prefer, but it seems too informal to me.
Here you use "too" several times at the ends of your lines. I'd recommend changing it up a bit to add more variety and avoid unnecessary repetition.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I hope this review helped!
a poem of ghosts! interesting!
okay wow, i really love this and i think the sadness is in there talking about why exactly why they r still here on earth watching time go by affecting everyone not them i love how u opened ur opinion thinking about this and how u related to it just makes it feel like closer the reader can know ur intentions. and i like how this makes me think cause i never thought about it like that before like how they arent ready to go yet so this was amazing
Hello. This piece is very thoughtful and intriguing. I really like the symmetry of the poem. Kind of like a person getting overly excited asking questions before actually finding the question the really want to ask.
This line
"Maybe you took the final blow to yourself to the head"
could be rephrased slightly just to make it flow better.
But overall I enjoyed reading it. Definitely something to be read multiple times