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Young Writers Society



What I Wonder About Ghosts

by ToxicAnglerFish


Ghost, oh Ghost

Whatever happened to you

What did you do

That was so wrong of you

To where you must be imprisoned in eternal dismay

Did you murder someone you know with hate

Or did you die because you were old from times hand

Maybe you took the final blow to yourself to the head

It is a wonder really what happened to you

Why you still wander when you were gone long ago

Maybe your soul is corrupted?

Or maybe you refuse to accept your death

Maybe you just don’t know

Oh I wonder what my reasons will be

When I leave this world one day in the future

Will we all become ghosts as you did too

What will we do when we close our eyes for the final time

What will they do when they learn the news of our passing

Kinda want to become a ghost-like you did too

So I can know

How it’s like to be a ghost too

Are you sad? Lonely?

Well I am too

So let me become a ghost

So we can be sad but no longer lonely together too


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465 Reviews


Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

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Wed Jun 24, 2020 4:47 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there!
This is quite an interesting poem. It's unique and one of a kind. I enjoyed reading it! I have a few things I'd like to point out. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to :)

The first thing I'd like to mention is line length. You usually have medium or longer lines, but sometimes you have very short, almost abrupt lines. Since most of your poem consists of longer lines, I'd stick with having them at that length than having random short ones.

Another thing I'd like to mention is punctuation, specifically question marks. You only use question marks about three times, but your whole poem is asking questions, which doesn't seem very consistent. You can just not use question marks at all, or you can use question marks more consistently, such as after every three questions or so, that's just an example.

Another thing I'd like to mention are stanzas. Right now, your poem is a block of text, which can appear intimidating. I'd recommend using stanzas, so your poem would be easier to read and look more inviting.

Kinda want to become a ghost-like you did too

This is a personal opinion, but I wouldn't use "kinda" You can keep it if that's what you prefer, but it seems too informal to me.

Kinda want to become a ghost-like you did too

So I can know

How it’s like to be a ghost too

Are you sad? Lonely?

Well I am too

So let me become a ghost

So we can be sad but no longer lonely together too


Here you use "too" several times at the ends of your lines. I'd recommend changing it up a bit to add more variety and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I hope this review helped!




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39 Reviews


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Reviews: 39

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Fri May 15, 2020 5:47 am
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sulagna says...



a poem of ghosts! interesting!




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6 Reviews


Points: 113
Reviews: 6

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Tue May 05, 2020 5:54 am
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apricot wrote a review...



okay wow, i really love this and i think the sadness is in there talking about why exactly why they r still here on earth watching time go by affecting everyone not them i love how u opened ur opinion thinking about this and how u related to it just makes it feel like closer the reader can know ur intentions. and i like how this makes me think cause i never thought about it like that before like how they arent ready to go yet so this was amazing




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5 Reviews


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Reviews: 5

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Tue May 05, 2020 4:12 am
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cjcassidy wrote a review...



Hello. This piece is very thoughtful and intriguing. I really like the symmetry of the poem. Kind of like a person getting overly excited asking questions before actually finding the question the really want to ask.
This line
"Maybe you took the final blow to yourself to the head"
could be rephrased slightly just to make it flow better.
But overall I enjoyed reading it. Definitely something to be read multiple times





I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon