Look, see

This is beautiful and raw, thank you very much for sharing it because I really felt it.

Wow this really hit me! The emotions are very raw and real, but also very relatable. Many people I know spent years of their life dedicated to a sport (or any other activity that takes a lot of time and effort) and end up getting burnt out, as you described. I personally have felt this same way when it came to soccer--13 years of my life spent doing something that I ended up dropping!

To talk about your poem specifically, I really like your imagery. Some of the punctuation is a little inconsistent, but that's an easy fix. The only thing I don't really like is the use of italics so frequently. It's a tool for emphasis, but it ends up losing its meaning from how much it's used. It's the least consistent part of all the elements used in your poem.

Other than that, I think this is a great poem! Not a lot of people talking about burnout when it comes to sports, so I think this was really great of you to talk about.

Hi, Cyr! I'm here with a surprise review.

To begin, I'll explain the reason I decided to read and review this work. While the title is intriguing, it wasn't really what won me over - I saw there was a new poem in the Green Room, and decided I definitely had to read it after I saw you were the author. I think "Look, see" is a good title because it ties into the repeated line in the poem, but it wasn't that intriguing on its own.

Speaking of which, I love the repetition! It was a little jarring when it wasn't included in all of the stanzas, but I love that you included it in the first place. It was a great way to tie all of the imagery together. I especially like the part where the poem's narrative shifted from a desire for praise to just a desire for acceptance - right up until the tired conclusion.

I think the narrative is what I love most about the poem. The way you conveyed it through the formatting, italicized words, and lines of italicized dialogue is something I haven't really seen before - and something that I want to see more of.

The only critique that I can think of is your punctuation. Your poem mostly lacks periods, but you do decide to use it in a few lines:

Look at me.

I begin the dance.

You glance away.

Look, see.

Look, see.

Stop looking.

Hi! Haraya here with a review.

I can truly sense the spontaneity of this poem. The emotions are very raw and obvious. But, as I've said before, while this may result to a sincere poem, it may lack cohesiveness or profundity.

You used a consistent pattern throughout your poem through the repetition of "Look at me" and "look, see," and the use of varying adjectives. This kept your poem from losing your main idea. To me, this emphasizes the speaker's cry for attention. However, as the poem went on, it felt bland too easily. I guess I wished there were more variations to this, especially interesting ones like maybe "Please look, see me." Or "Why won't you look? Why can't you see?"

Also, I'd like to point out that there is a weakness to adjectives. Compared to nouns and verbs, they don't create an equally vivid picture. For example, instead of saying:

"Watch me twirl, spin, leap
Graceful me, pretty me"

Why not say something like, "the white swan me, the angel me"
Angelic here works as well, because it can be equally vivid. I'm not saying adjectives don't work, but some adjectives work better than others. Also, I don't mean to pick these exact same words, but choose an image that would show the adjective instead of simply saying the adjective itself.

Being a poem with such raw emotions, I recommend you look back into this after your intense feelings have settled. I'm pretty sure you will find new meaning and create more interesting twists to this poem.

With that said, my review's done! I think many people will find your work relatable. Best of luck to you in your future works!