I think my mind is a room
There are no doors, no windows
But also no gloom
Inside, time slows
There are filing cabinets
And paper towers
Neat little rows of colored magnets
And a spectrum of undying flowers
There is color and light
But everything is still dim
My mind shant be to bright
Else over papers my minds eye would only skim
Thoughts are paper airplanes
Memories are filed away
Everything is chaos
Some would say it’s insane
It’s warm inside my mind
Comforting thoughts are warm blankets
Because reality is unkind
I lose myself in fantasy
One, two, three
Patience low the dial says
I close my eyes and wrap myself in fantasy
I live in here, opposition is unwelcome
I live in my mind so of course I have friends
Characters created from chaos
Figments who live outside reality
I write their stories, I draw their faces
I occasionally tune the world back in
Once my patience has recharged
And try to see others’ minds
As clear as I see my own
But no, in my mind I shall stay
Where my thoughts paint pictures on the walls
And over the leaning paper stacks
And speak in the voices of those who don’t exist
My mind is a cinema
My mind is an office
My mind is a playroom
My mind is a haven
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139,382 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hey again!
I actually love this poem more than the last one. It's, seriously, beautiful. Your mind is like a glass prism and this poem thrust it into the sunlight. It's very colorful. I think that's my favorite part about it.
I saw two or three very minor grammar mistakes. Easily fixable. In lines 11 and 12. Turn "to" into "too". "Minds" into "mind's". Like I said, easy.
Again, I'm not really an expert in poetry, but I think this piece would flow a lot better if you divided it into stanzas. You seem to shift in tone/mood a little bit between lines 16 and 17. This is my opinion, however, so feel free to disregard it, but maybe just try it out and see how you like it.
I can't wait to read more of your art!
-M
Thanks for this, I'll be working on reviewing some more of your work later on, but it may take a while as I prefer to keep things that I enjoy isolated to my good computer, which cannot connect to the wifi at my school, but since my lil sis now has a phone with a hotspot (thanks to my ex-step-dad who lacks common sense and favors DNA over all else) I may be able to send you it sooner than later. The weather is also clearing up, so I can walk to either of the two libraries near me or the coffee shops or something if I feel like it. (I'll just need an umbrella and some shoes I don't mind getting wet because there is just ALL the flooding outside right now)
So, first of all, I absolutely love the idea of your poem. You described everything beautifully and I love your comparisons. The flow of your words could be a little better, if I'm being honest, however, it's something easily fixable. There were also a few small typos. You forgot the apostrophe in 'mind's eye," for instance. This is just something small though. Also, you had a really good rhyme scheme but forgot about it by the end. Try to be more consistent with it next time. That's all, really. Good job. I hope you continue to produce great work.
-Avery
Thank you, I'll try to keep these things in mind when I edit this and in future works.