Sit with me
We can talk about nothing
Or maybe just breathe
You sit there
And I will be over here
Let’s discuss our fears
We can talk about the end
Or maybe the beginning
Or I could watch you hit send
And answer the phone that’s ringing
I try not to care
I take a sip of my tea
I seem content to just be
When the distractions are gone
And our time runs short
I’ll tell you what I’ve done
My passions are my last resort
Your eyes glaze over
You try, you really do
To pretend to be closer
To me, and me to you
Time’s up here
Let us do this tomorrow
goodnight, mother dear
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hello there MulticoloredCyr!
Here for a review!
Overall:
OH MY GOSHNESS! I can definitely, without a doubt, feel the emotion in this poem. I, too, write poems when I am in “moods” as well. It is a way of stress relief for me. Anywho, I find it honestly spectacular.
Praise!
Your vocabulary is fantastic! You used loaded, popping words. Definitely not boring, dull words that most poets use as fillers. Your use of “feel” words is phenomenal. Most poems I read, they try too hard to rhyme. The way you wrote yours, wow, it is almost natural. It flowed smoothly off my tongues and I love that. Well, my mind’s tongue haha.
Suggestions:
Capitalization. Nothing too major but your title? It is just a pet peeve of mine to not see things capitalized. Nothing against you! Anyway, punctuation. I think you used commas too often when you should have used periods. Kind of a really really long run on sentence. Unless it was meant to be that way. Poetry has some loose punctuation rules.
Once again, this is a wonderful piece! I love it and I am going to binge more of your poems hahaha!
Thanks!
Hello there TheMulticoloredCyr
I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review along with my honest opinion on your poem.
So let's start with the review!
Vocabulary:
I liked your choise of vocabulary. It was very simple and out there, very easy for the reader to comprehend even if their English are not in a good level. I enjoyed the emotional tension expressed with simple and honest words. Well done!
Structure:
I don't have any major issues with your poem structure. You chose free verse writing, which is fine with me. I am not sure if it would look better with stanzas or not. I would try it if I was in your shoes. Other than that good work.
Grammar/spelling:
I have nothing to note here. However I might have missed something since I am not a native speaker.
Content:
I really liked the content of this poem, it was both emotional and distant. I liked the contradiction. Loved the beginning however I would like the ending to be different. Try to play with words a little.
My opinion:
Overall I thought this was a good read. I really enjoyed reading your poem! Keep writing!
Kind regards
Kostia
Thanks! I feel for you on that English thing. If I wasn't a native speaker I would have given up on learning it as soon as I got to vowels, so respect.
The original version had stanzas, they just didn't transfer when I did the copy paste thing. I don't know why or if I'm going to add them back in, but hey, that's a thing.
Anyway, I'm just wasting time because I'm done with all my work and it's not like I have a lecture to sleep through or anything so ya know, whatever.
The site is messing with the formatting. Try shift and enter that shall do it.
Looking forward to read more from you! Have a great day!
You too!
Tears, just tears... I felt that poem deep.