Silver and Gold

Hey @TheMulticoloredCyr !
Mahira here for a review. Firstly, I would like to tell you that I love your username.
Now coming to your work. It's good. But what is it that you talked about in the poem?
I, to be very honest, didn't get the gist of your poetry . Whether you were talking about the precious possessions or someone very important. It would sound much better if you made that thing very clear.
If you could also make the narrator's position very clear, it would be great. Whom is it that the narrator is addressing? And who is the narrator?
Very well now talking about grammar and language, everything was good. But I think the language could have been much better. After reading a few other works of yours I came to the conclusion that you are a great writer.
Otherwise, I found your work a good thing. Only if it has some more clarity, I believe it can even reach the literary spotlight.
So keep writing and posting .

Best wishes
Mahira

Bravo! Bravo! This is such a good poem. You aced the punctuation, spelling, rhyming, and expressing. Good work, and keep it up!

Hi! I really did love this poem and words used. The deadly sins are very big interest of mine and seeing a poem about them honestly made me really happy. I did love it and I think you did amazing work on it!!!

Hi! I really did love this poem and words used. The deadly sins are very big interest of mine and seeing a poem about them honestly made me really happy. I did love it and I think you did amazing work on it!!!

Hey!

I figured I should repay the favor for being an amazing reviewer (though I'm not sure I can live up to it, quite frankly). I opened this poem and honestly...I love it. I know which sin you are talking about and you described it well. You know how some poems just...exude... color? Well, yours does precisely that. I'm seeing gold and I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm also getting King Midas vibes here, which is a great story. The regret toward the end was a nice touch. It really perfected the mood and made your poem unique, because without it, it wouldn't be nearly as intriguing or well-written.

I'm not particularly skilled in poetry, so I can't give you advice about rhyming schemes or rhythm. Other than the fact that yours sounded good, of course.

I only saw one grammar mistake: line thirteen. I'd replace "they'll" with "there'll" or "there will", simply because the other way doesn't make sense.

I can't wait to read more of your art.

-M

First of all, I do believe the sin is greed but I may be wrong. You were really good at describing it without saying exactly which sin it was. The rhyme scheme is very all over the place. It goes from free verse, to AAAAA, to AABC, to AABC, to free verse again. It's fine if that's how you wanted to sound, however, I think you should try to write in a more consistent way. The poem itself is very good though. Keep up the good work!