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Frozen Honor: Chapter 1- The Reunion

by Soulkana


Rain rattles the windows of the hotel room where a young man lies on a rickety bed in a rather cheap hotel. An open letter held in hand, he absently twists his fingers into his hair, tugging lightly in his frustration. Vibrant blue hues fixate on the bottom of the letter; trying to puzzle out the words and the meaning behind them. Reiga Emerson finds himself wishing desperately for their owner’s presence because he can feel the anxiety and worry building in his chest alongside the violent storm raging outdoors.

‘I believe we will see each other soon.

Love,

Iza’

They live countries apart, oceans apart, and he frets again. She should be leaving for summer at her school. Why would she be coming to his location? They were safe there. He internally wars within as he ponders the thought of going home. But as the thought crosses his mind; he feels a painful jab in his mind where the bond to his familiar had recently been and a flash of blood and dark, childish laughter forces his mind to immediately discard the mere thought of returning to his parents.

Sighing, Reiga pulls up to sit and look outside. Lightning flash close and thunder all but shakes his room. He carefully pulls his waist length hair back from his face while thinking back to the writer herself. Warm and soft laughter echoes his mind and a flash of golden eyes a lit with a fire as firm hands ghosts across his skin. Even almost a decade later, he revels in the memory of the one person whom he bared all but his deepest secrets. The thought of her not telling him of her problems grates his nerves and sparks the tiniest flame of doubt which is discarded almost easily.

He pulls from his own thoughts at the feel of a cold aura gently poking his own. It’s enough to startle him for nearly no one had control of their aura well enough to touch another. The soul continues prodding, swaying and flickering with a winter chill that calms his own fiery aura. Unconsciously, Reiga pulls on his trenchcoat and pauses as he touches the doorknob. The teachings of his family quietly whisper distrust and the assassin briefly considers it but curiosity pulls the door open and he leaves the room to find the intriguing soul that gently teases at the edge of his senses, playfully dancing in the darkness of his awareness. A subtle blue white that gently twirls alongside his own and preventing him from finding it right away. A small smile flickers on his pallid face. When he steps outside and into the fiery thunderstorm, he sends his own aura to softly warm the aura and feels laughter bubble in his chest at the furious cold that takes hold of his mind in retaliation.

Instinctively, he circles the hotel to the forest edge of the town to hide his own aura. Leaning under a tree for minimal and very little shelter from the storm, Reiga almost artistically braids his hair up with steel hair sticks, laced with poisons, alongside the many other thin needles throughout his locks. It had become a source of personal pride that he managed to circumvent his parent’s rigid rule over long hair. He had refused since he was very young to cut it and had gotten the idea from his ancestors’ records regarding the females of their clan. Even now, he knew, with an painful ache in his heart, that his gentle sister, Momo, would probably be wearing hers in a similar fashion. The thought of her changing it made his heart throb but he carefully reigned in his dark thoughts before they could incite his darker mindset.

Staring out into the small seaport, he can smell the ocean and the salt that lingers in the air. Even as he begins sectioning the village in grids to begin searching for the aura which persisted in lingering against his mind, he remains aloof to the rigid training that whispers into his very bones that it was dangerous. With the plan in mind, he swiftly moves through the dark to the residential area which held the least chance of the person to be staying. As he roams the old cobblestone streets, he shivered. It was not the cold which drew the reaction, but an ability he had hidden from all. For in the air, over many of the houses, lies a wilting spider lily in a blackening crimson which twisted his stomach. Death lingers. However, he quickly flees after spotting the one house near the shopping district, where he was next searching. For it was not a blossoming lily, but a tiny seed, imprinted with a tiny crimson flower rising in an almost transparency. A child yet to be born was dying soon and it brought to mind his various siblings and the painful dagger of betrayal.

Slipping into a cafe still open this early the morning, Reiga hid his shaking hands and finds a corner seat to place his back to the wood of the walls. Even as the sight of the withering spider lilies dissipates, he couldn’t bring himself to look at the owner whom appears next to his table. The ability truly feels as a curse as he quietly orders the usual meal. The woman working takes no offense to the near rude rush he uses to order.

While waiting, he can feel the cold brush of the other person soothingly wrapping around his own fiery hot aura. The comfort it brings is startling for he could not yet place whom it belonged to. Furrowing his brow as he concentrated, he wonders briefly if it belongs to Iza. He didn’t want it too. Yet it feels so similar to her own power, he knew he couldn’t just brush the possibility off.

The lady gently sets a cup of hot chocolate and a slice of apple cinnamon cake onto his table. Waving her off after paying, Reiga tugs again on a bang that fell out of the braid in habitual frustration. Her own habit, he fondly remembers picking up after spending so long in the dark celled room. Her thin face bright with a near constant smile, excited for his presence in a way, only his youngest sister still did by that age.

As he all but downs the hot drink, Reiga allows his mind to go over the last few letters of his correspondence with Iza. She had been reserved for sure. Not entirely unusual for she had been in school for mostly nobility. But she hadn’t been so open as normal. He fiddles with the cake with a heavy frown. If the presence tightly wrapping itself around his own aura was Iza then he didn’t want to make her wait. He could never leave her to face whatever drove her from her country to take part in an Exam that killed nearly half it’s final participants.

Leaving the cake mostly uneaten, the teen slips back into the rain. He hurries to the docks where the boats for the Exam would be leaving at dawn. He prays desperately to his Patron that she wasn’t there. That she was, for his missed her comforting voice and the debates they warred through letters. As he nears the pier, he feels fear trinkle in as fiery crimson locks blows lightly in the wind. Even through the downpour, he could see the amber golden eyes bright with magick pulsing through the dark. Iza. Alone and clinging to his aura in a way that made his heart hurt.

“You took a long time, Aydan. Am I so easily forgotten?”Her voice cuts through the air and he feels his heart ache with hurt and a dangerous fury.

“You are never forgettable, Iza.” Reiga allows his aura to tightly wrap around her as he steps next to her.

Her face closes off. A dangerous shift in her aura makes him wary. But as he wraps his cloak around her pale white shoulders to shield her from the rain, she speaks again.

“I will get stronger.” The vow is spoken with an edge of absolute conviction and equal hatred that makes his very blood boil.

He can see it now. Clearly as he settles on the box next to her. She was afraid. Running like a prey from the jaws of whatever predator was chasing. Her hands grip tightly in her skirts. Around daggers she had always kept on her after he taught her how to hold them. Her eyes which once held warm and life now darkened with fear and determination. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and feels her relax against him. Quietly to himself, he vowed to help her defeat the ones who ripped away her peace and in doing so, his own.


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562 Reviews


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Thu Oct 04, 2018 9:37 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here again.

What I like

Wow this chapter was just amazing. I like it that you keep all your chapters nice and long. I really liked the ending too.

Quietly to himself, he vowed to help her defeat the ones who ripped away her peace and in doing so, his own.

This was just a great way to get your reader begging for the next chapter. I'm saying this because that is how i feel.

The plot

I really like it that I'm getting to know more about the plot. I'm just sitting here with my eyes glued to your words. I really like reading this.

The setting

I really like the setting you set up in this chapter. It's a lot better than your last two. I can tell your writing has gotten a lot better. So keep up the great work. I really like it that your describe your characters a lot.

Wow I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter. So I felt like giving you a nice review. Never stop writing and keep up the great work.

Your Friend
Shikora. :D




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Thu Oct 04, 2018 9:37 am
FlamingPhoenix says...



Wow this chapter was just great. :D




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Tue Oct 02, 2018 1:17 pm
TheMulticoloredCyr wrote a review...



Hello, I haven't written a review in a while due to an overdose of homework and that danmed comic book I have to have done way too soon, but I'm here now so yay for both of us! I think. For all I know this will be maddeningly unhelpful, but let's get to it anyhow.

I'm not going to do these in any particular order, so don't be thrown off by that.

"Reiga allows his aura to tightly wrap around her as he steps next to her."

I would have gone with 'wrap tightly' rather than the other way around, it just sounds awkward and it breaks up the flow of the writing.

"Leaving the cake mostly uneaten, the teen slips back into the rain"

Maybe you should have mentioned that he's a teen a little sooner? The way that this is written, with poetic sounding sentences and an almost Shakespearian aura, gives the impression that the POV character is more mature, and thus, older. It would be better for the readers to know about his age before this point so we can create an accurate picture of the story and characters in our heads. It's hard to change the picture this far in.

"As he all but downs the hot drink..."

"all but" is an unnecessary addition to this section, just say he downed the drink, it changes very little about the image and it reads smoother than this. If you really want to have him "all but" down his drink, find another way to say that he drank it quickly. Preferably a way that keeps the incredibly smooth flow you have going for most of the piece.

"Reiga almost artistically braids his hair up with steel hair sticks, laced with poisons, alongside the many other thin needles throughout his locks."

A couple things here. "Almost" Is unnecessary, Regia braided his hair artistically, that's the end of it. And, if there are things braided into his hair, it would have been better to mention them when you first said he had long hair. The way I would have done it is to say something about the things braided in his waist-length locks clinking together as he brushed a lock over his shoulder, or something to that effect.

"Why would she be coming to his location?"

This just reads weird. I would have gone with something like, "Why would she be coming back here?", you don't always have to find the most unique or poetic way of saying something. You can use simple words sometimes.

"Rain rattles the windows of the hotel room where a young man lies on a rickety bed in a rather cheap hotel."

I would have gone with something different for an opening line, I almost clicked away at this (granted, I do have the shortest attention span ever, save for maybe my advisor, but still, this did not grab my attention). The use of the word "rather" is redundant to begin with, but you use that word far too much in the chapter, and it becomes oddly noticeable. I would try to switch it up a bit, find a new way to phrase it.

"The teachings of his family quietly whisper distrust and the assassin..."

I would have mentioned earlier that he was an assassin. This kinda comes out of nowhere and it's a bit jarring.

I hope this was helpful. I pray I didn't imply that I didn't like the chapter, it really was good, you just have a few problems here and there. If you fixed those I would have found it better, yes, but that's not to say it wasn't good as is. And these are my opinions, never change something you don't want to change just because one person said they would like it better that way. My word is not law with this piece, yours is. Keep writing, and have fun.




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Mon Oct 01, 2018 6:37 pm
EditorAndPerks wrote a review...



Hello there.

Let's see. For like a first start to a story, I'll try to go over the first paragraph in depth, then the rest of the story in more general terms, based on how much time I have.

I think that the first paragraph gives decent information about the main character and the initial setting, but a couples lines throw me off more than anything.

Rain rattles the windows of the hotel room where a young man lies on a rickety bed in a rather cheap hotel.
This is a decent attempt at showing that it's raining and that he's apparently staying at a hotel. However, if this is from his view, then I think that tone should try to be inserted into this the quickest way possible. In this case, I'd say to either start with the character's name and maybe have him think whether he liked the rain or not, or just anything. This way, you're giving the reader something to think about as well as establishing the starting location of this chapter. Also, hotel is in this sentence twice, so I would suggest to edit that out.

An open letter held in hand, he absently twists his fingers into his hair, tugging lightly in his frustration.
Again, if this is going to be from his view, I would change or get rid of the first portion of this sentence. Someone would probably react closer to asking themselves questions as to why the writer would come back to them, which I do see later on, but I think that might want to appear sooner. This is an opportunity to give the reader some information while setting up an eventual meeting between these two characters. The rest of the line is alright. I kind of like that the actions show his frustration, but I'd almost say to not blatantly put "his frustration." The tugging of hair shows that already.

Vibrant blue hues fixate on the bottom of the letter; trying to puzzle out the words and the meaning behind them.
Here, personally, I don't really need to be told his eye color already, but I guess that can be difficult knowing how much to describe a character in the first chapter. I do like the latter image of him tying his hair up/braiding it, as that gives a good idea of what to picture, even without too blatantly saying it. I think that the use of "puzzle out" reads a little weird here. By just saying something like "figure out" fits in that slot more, as that's a more used term there. Otherwise, this makes me curious as to how the letter reads if this character is struggling to understand.

Reiga Emerson finds himself wishing desperately for their owner’s presence because he can feel the anxiety and worry building in his chest alongside the violent storm raging outdoors.
Hm. I think what first weirds me out here is having his last name too. I think having the first name only is just fine. In addition, I almost feel that too many things are happening in this sentence. Instead of "finds himself wishing" you could say "he wished they were here" or something a little less wordy, as they give the same message. He misses the writer and wants to understand what they meant. The description of the anxiety compared to the weather is interesting but also very wordy. I also think that the apparent connection between his anxiety and not knowing is kind of thrown together here.

I'd rather see either that idea in separate sentences, such as him missing the other, and then saying he felt anxious because of the letter or because of whatever it is, as I don't think that's very connected.

I'm a little disappointed by the letter being only a couple of lines, as I thought it was going to be something with a warning or something. I guess the idea of her leaving a safe place can be weird but, I kind of don't understand the full-blown fear Reiga is feeling.

Let's see. The flickers of establishing the story are interesting enough, but I almost think the hints are too wordy for a first chapter. The piece about the auras and souls was cool because I'm guessing that was Iza's way of saying hi at some point? The flower and seed idea made this almost too bleak though, so I'd recommend to keep a couple of the cryptic ideas, and then leave the rest maybe for a later chapter to help set things up more.

I was not expecting them to meet so quickly though. I'm also confused as to why Iza calls him "Aydan" and not "Reiga" as he was introduced?

One grammar issue I spotted was a few cases of changed tenses, like "She was afraid" and "he knew" as this is perceived to be written in the present tense. That's an easy enough fix though.

Overall, I think this is interesting enough for a first chapter, though I do think this has an almost too dark tone, as I'm kind of left wondering why this is such a big deal. Especially to an assassin.





Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
— Dr. Seuss