Hi! I'll just be reading through this and giving comments/critiques as I go for this review. I'm sorry if this feels like I'm picking your writing apart, or if the review feels harsh. I really didn't mean it, and I do want to help you. In the end, though, it's your call on whether you want to use my suggestions.
With that out of the way, let's begin. 
With her pale, skeletal hands fondling their crimson flowers, she took in the sight of their reclaiming of the abandoned, crumbling village sector... Mindful of these obstacles, she nimbly walks to the center with a devoted focus that shields her emotions however brief.
The first bolded word here is past tense. The second is present. Which one are you going for?
The rays from the sun flicker through trees and the wreckage which cluster around the clearing, hues of red, orange and brazen amber glow off the stone shaped like their patron goddess of fire.
This was a bit like watching a painting form. The imagery is stunning.
However, I feel that the phrase "glow off the stone shaped" doesn't fit into the sentence well. I would write that part like this (changes in blue): The rays from the sun flicker through the trees and the wreckage cluster around the clearing, hues of red, orange and brazen amber reflecting off the stone, shaped like their patron goddess of fire.she traces the names she haunting etched following the night she will never forget.
The bold part doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps you meant "hauntingly etched" or something similar?
Babies whom they joyously lit their birthing fires and feasted just not so long ago.
This makes it seem like they lit the babies on fire, then ate them, which I'm pretty sure is not what you meant. Also, the word "just" is not necessary. Maybe adding the word "to" would help: Babies to whom they joyously lit their birthing fires and feasted not so long ago.
Where she had lost everything, the warm and chubby hand of a newborn grasping the back of her kimono helps her ground to promise she vowed. To protect her little newborn sister as her parents decreed in their dying moments, choking on smoke and faces tinged from poison.
I get what you're trying to say, but I had to reread it a few times before I understood it. Mostly, it's the tenses and some of the word order that needs clarifying. Below, I rewrote the sentences, the changed parts in blue, to try and make them more clear:
When she losteverything, the warm and chubby hand of a newborn grasping the back of her kimono helps her ground her promise. She vowed to protect her little newborn sister as her parents decreed in their dying moments, choking on smoke and faces tinged from poison.
Also: poison? I think that this just got a lot more interesting.
The faith they wished to bestow upon their only remaining children.
This sentence is confusing. What faith?
Alright. I'm going to take a break from the very nitpicky stuff because I think I've done enough for this review. I'll just continue reading, dropping back with any comments, then finish with the overall.
As Hibara Shima turns to exit the graveyard fueled with vengeance, Kaida Tsukiyoma jerks awake with a silent cry.
So it was Hibara who was mourning her loss. Are the names Japanese?
Memories swarm her mind of a past long gone as she gasps for air, lungs struggling to push through the alarming cloud of panic and violent emotions that had woken the young teen.
Yes, I know I said I wouldn't nitpick, but I had to. The bolded word should be replaced with "have" because it's in present tense.
I've noticed that you tend to switch from pluperfect tense (had been) to present tense (is being) a lot. You might want to look into that.
It tumbles through her mind like a broken record.
I do so like the phrase "broken record" as you wrote it here. It suits the moment.
Not even the ghosts of her past lives would allow her to escape that truth.
Whoa. I think this is the first time you actively mentioned the idea of reincarnation.
Event still, the memory fades like smoke and before she even finishes the page, she loses all details with frustrated scowl of repetition.
Typo? I think you meant "even," not "event."
Another early morning as the sun barely peeks out from the dawn.
You used the word "another." Does that mean she's an early riser?
Overall:
I like this prologue. The prose is good, if a little unclear, but nothing that can't be fixed. The idea is intriguing, and I want to see where it goes. Kaida seems like an interesting character, what with the scars on her hands. Hibara's past seems haunting. And I do so want to see where this goes next.
I would appreciate it if you tag me for the next part.
Well, have a most wonderful day or night!
- Mira
Points: 311
Reviews: 43
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