When Innocence Dies ~ chapter seven

by Sorsha2

  • Novel / Chapter
  • Fantasy

Published November 19, 2008

In Vampire Serires (book#1)

PreviousNext

End of chapter

Continue to next chapter When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter 8
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Sorsha2
Comment
Sorsha2 commented Comment · Dec 1, 2008

Thanks hun :)

I can always count on you for a thorough review! You're awesome!

Thanks again - and I am really glad that you're enjoying this piece.

User avatar
ashleylee
Review
ashleylee wrote a review Review · Nov 29, 2008

Hey, Sorsha! :D Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I’ve just been so busy with everything… but anyway, hopefully this review helps!

“Either you choose to live with it or end your life but there is no middle ground.


This is awkwardly said. Maybe try: Either you choose to live with it, or you will did. There is no middle ground. or something like that.

And while once upon a time that might have tugged on a maternal heart string, Lamia had come to see more and more of late that she had been so busy and so focused on pushing aside such mortal weakness as human emotion, that she now felt estranged from those who did.


This is a super long sentence. Try to break it up a little.

They needed her, just as they need one of the three girls locked away within the Manor.


“Needed” instead of “need” here

Whoa, that chapter was intense, Sorsha. I really like how blunt Lamia was about the whole thing. I think that’s partly why Laura ran away. All your characters are developing nicely and the plot is going along well.

Can’t wait for more! :D



#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah