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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Hey Ashley & Alltime
Thanks for your reviews.
As of Monday I submitted this the agent I've been scoping out for the better part of a year (eeep!)
So, fingers crossed
Hey Ashley & Alltime
Thanks for your reviews.
As of Monday I submitted this the agent I've been scoping out for the better part of a year (eeep!)
So, fingers crossed
Hey, Sorsha =] Gosh, when I heard about you sending this to an agent, I got really excited for you! I really hope it works out for you!
First, just so you know, there should be a space after every one of these (…) Just thought I’d point that out for you.
Next, however, I don’t think these (…) are needed. I mean, the last one, yes, but the first one, I think a dash would work better. But I guess it’s totally up to you how you want the reader to read it.
Explain this further. What does she mean by this? You don’t have go in a lot of detail, but just a little to help us understand more about her life.
Should be “than” instead of “then”
This is awkwardly worded. Maybe try: With a deft jerk Laura adjusted her heavy knapsack to her other shoulder, easing the tension that had built so quickly before she could even blink. or something like that. I know you can do better
Don’t use both a question mark and an exclamation point. It doesn’t look right and makes the sentence confusing. I would just pick one, and my advice would be the question mark.
~ ~ ~ ~
This was good, as was the original. It think the old one had a man and woman on the beach or on the cave, right? Or something like that. Or was that the prologue?
Anyway, I love this chapter. It has always been my favorite. It is full of such excitement and action that I couldn’t tear my eyes from the screen. Wonderful work, Sorsha! =]
I thought it was strong, much stronger. The passion you put into it was obvious. Everything was clear and I was able to picture everything perfectly, especially the end scenes with her and the man. Oh, so good!
Very! I told you before that I love your work so I don’t think I have to go any further with this
YES! But sadly you are no longer posting on here… such a pity
Good luck!
That was great! Description was good, characterization was good, diction was good, I loved it. I really didn't notice any grammar things, and I thought that as a hook it worked really well. Congrats!
PM me when you put up anything new and I'll be sure to check out your other stuff.
happy writing