WID Excerpt b

Hi, Sorsha. Hopefully this review I can find something to be helpful with

She lifted a hand was about to settle it on her arm, then decided against it and brought it back to her lap.

This is awkwardly worded. Maybe try: She lifted a hand, aiming to have it settle on her arm but then thought better of it and brought it back to her own lap. or something like that.

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Ok, here are my concerns with this piece. Where Lamia is explaining to Laura what happened to her in her past, should I leave it as is - where Lamia is sort of narrating what took place? Or should I change that to a whole new scene where maybe I delve into the past and just sort of recreate what happened trhough Lamia's eyes? Or, leave as is just sum it up the in a much more briefly??

I thought you did great with the telling of Lamia’s story. It really helped us to understand her more, understand her purpose. I don’t think you should change a thing about it.

I really can’t be of much more help. If you ever have questions or just need help with this, PM me and I’ll do the best I can