When Innocence Dies ~ chapter six

by Sorsha2

Published October 6, 2008

In Vampire Serires (book#1)

Comments & reviews · 2
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Sorsha2
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Sorsha2 commented Comment · Oct 9, 2008

Hey Ashleylee, sheesh you move quickly :) lol

One thing I thought I should mention, most of this book has already been written, I am just copying and pasting from the document so a few of hte pointers you made have not been updated in the central document but I am trying to work through them slowly. Unfortunately I haven't had much time for editing so if you continue to see it in hte next couple of chapters, then thats why :)

I will PM you soon.

~ Sorsha

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ashleylee
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ashleylee wrote a review Review · Oct 7, 2008

Chapter six review on it's way! :wink:

“I am so sorry Laura; I apologize sincerely for the long wait. If you would please follow me.”


Comma after "sorry"

“Please.” He said with some difficulty, he had to close his eyes; he couldn’t look at her least he found the temptation far too great to ignore.


Comma instead of a period after "Please" and a small "h" on "he"

“And your hair…” there was a wistful not to Zahra’s voice as she brought a hand around and ran her fingers through the mass of curls.


Should be "note" instead of "not"

“We need answers.” Laura affirmed, trying to keep her tone firm and serious while crossing her arms before her also very well endowed chest.


Should be a comma instead of a period after "answers"

“That couldn’t have been real.” Zahra interjected.


Comma instead of a period after "real"

“Yeah.” Saadia piped in, bolder in tone then she had been earlier.


Comma instead of period after "yeah"

Another awesome chapter, Sorsha! Wow, that was really good! :D

Have no other complaints. Just PM me when you post more :wink:



The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb