WID Excerpt a

Awww thanks Ashleylee. I appreciate the constant support.

Hey, Sorsha. I’m still very disappointed about the whole not posting full chapters but I am still happy that you are still posting at all I love this story so I’ll continue to be a loyal reader!

Umm, wow, I just finished reading this and I was expecting to do a quote-by-quote review but I found absolutely nothing wrong with this.

I just can’t believe how lifelike you got in your dialogue. It was like I was actually there. You have done wonderfully with this, Sorsha.

Keep on Writing

Sounds way familiar, Hellsing perhaps?

I haven't read other pieces, but I figured since this is a piece of it, might as well provide some help.

First paragraph.

Doctor’s should be Doctors. It is not a single doctor's poking, but broad use for doctors.

The clock to their left ticked away loudly and was a full ten minutes behind and covered in a wire cage which had once been a steely gray and was now overcome with rust.
Faye began to twitch her leg uncomfortably. She had only been allowed two cups of coffee that morning and had been denied the third once they entered into the meeting room at the hospital. They were not allowed pencils, pens, rulers, glasses…anything hot, or made of a substance that could be broken and potentially used as a weapon. How the hell was she supposed to only function on two cups of black coffee? Especially when it had felt as if she’d been sitting there for three hours when in reality it had only been a good ten minutes.

The door behind them squeaked loudly and Mrs. Claire Bannocks was shuffled in with two other members of the hospital staff. She had been bound with padded cuffs and chains keeping hands and feet locked together allowing minimal range for moment. According to her records Mrs. Bannocks, formally known as Mieko Nigao, had been born in Japan and came to Canada to study for university. There she had married her boyfriend George Bannocks and had three children from the ages of six to thirteen.

“The blackness.” Her voice slipped past her lips in a hoarse whisper. “You have seen the blackness?” Faye didn’t say a word but she knew Claire could see the answer in her eyes.
“I never…never told anyone about that…about any of it.” Claire rubbed her arms as if trying to chase away the chill that had been carried with the memory. “Never, never.” She whispered, rocking ever so slightly. “Never, never.” She came to a pause mid sway and her attention zeroed in on Kyle and Faye as if she was seeing them clearly for the first time.
“Why are you really here?” The voice that had been so soft and uncertain was now harsh and cold with an edge of bitterness. “Did Dr. Strominger send for you? Did he ask you to come here – to pry the truth from me for his book? I won’t do it!” She yelled, jumping up from her seat. Immediately the guards came to rush her but Kyle flung his arms out, holding them back.

“When they were done with their games, they began to eat their flesh while they were still alive. Their eyes began to glow a savage red and they howled as they ate. The sounds they made…they were monsters…evil. I don’t know why they didn’t kill me. I wish to God they hadn’t left me to live.” In a subconscious gesture Claire scrapped at her arm, tugged on the faded blue sleeve of her jumpsuit exposing her arm riddled with scars that appeared as if she’d torn into her self with her own bare hands.
“They vanished with a mist, so cold, so dark. It moved with a wind that wasn’t even there and carried them away like ghosts. When they were gone I was no longer stuck, my body was free but I still ached with fever. The police found me, with little Thomas in my naked arms. So much blood everywhere. So much blood and the smell…even now I can still smell the stench.”

“You saw the blackness.” She whispered. “You’ve seen them too.” Black eyes linked to Faye’s blue. “The creatures of the night; the ones who walk in the shadows of our world. In it; forever a part of it, but never truly belonging to it. Not anymore.” Claire leaned back, rolled her head around muttering under her breath.
“What is she talking about?” Kyle asked so quietly Faye had barely heard him, but Claire whipped her head in his direction, lips pulled back in a snarl.
“You’ve seen them, we’ve all seen them. Beautiful creatures; we’re drawn to them because they’re beautiful. Helpless, trusting and weak…unable to resist their attractive exterior. But it’s only a mask, a mask to hide their evil.” Once more she turned to Faye.

“But you’ve actually seen them. You know. Deep down, you may not have realized it. But it’s there inside you. It’s always been there Faith.” Immediately she jolted in her seat, stunned beyond belief. She knows my name… for a moment Faye felt herself become that terrified twelve year old girl, standing in her parents bedroom, gun in hand as she lifted it, aimed it at her father’s face. His smiling face, teeth clenched in a grin dripping with her mother’s blood…
“The vampires.” Claire cackled then twitched again, her brows knitted together, sweat collected at her brow. “No – not now. You can’t take me now!” Her body shuddered harder, violently she flayed from the chair, torn between laughter and sobs. The guards rushed from the door, the nurses burst through and Faye sat there simply stunned, even after the nurses pronounced the woman dead and carried her body out of the room, her face contorted into the same deranged smile she’d seen on her father’s face, even after he’d dropped dead…he’d still been smiling…
She knows my name.