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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Hey Ashleylee
hahaha but I guess its been well worth it thus far.
Thanks for the wonderful review
I am sooooo glad that you are enjoying the chapters. I will make the necessary changes to this chapter (although I tend to make the updates on my hardcopy rather then here).
I love crime fiction too, but I was a little scared because this is the first time where I've written about cops and the whole investigation process so its slowed my writing a bit because I am doing so much bloody research
Thanks for the pointer because I actually did not know this. I always thought you only used the comma at the end if the scentence/dialogue were continuing. For example.
"Very funny. I suppose," she said while placing a hand to her thundering heart, "that you thought scaring the crap out of me...blah blah blah.
So thanks for the pointer
Here I am, Sorsha, for chapter two!
Should be a comma after "yes"
This is the only thing I found wrong with this chapter.
Other than that, I found this to be really good. I think I liked this chapter so much is because I love crime fiction. I watch CSI like 24 hours a day
"Berry, I need the water," the woman cried out in urgency.
"All right, all right, hold your horses, lady," Berry grumbled, marching from his room.
You see the commas and the lowercase lettering on "the" Remember to do that with all dialogue.
Otherwise, this was very enjoyable!
No problem. The only thing I see that would completely make it more interesting, is if there is the detective finding out less information to begin with, but thats just my opinion. The story is great, and deserves no bad comments at all, The detective seems a little flabergasted at the fact the girl said the murderer transformed into a wolf, and an abnormally sized wolf, I could not really picture what size the wolf could have been, because there was no real scale, but that is the mystery part, I am sure more will come later so I'm not asking you to change anything. Be sure to pm me when you add more, I will read instantly.
Hey Bishop,
Thanks for the comment.
Actually, the Detective doesn't really become the 'hunted', at least - not necessarily in the context I think you mean and not for very long. As a surprise twist she will soon find herself in the role of an ally.
I would love to read your stuff, definately be sure to let me know when its up
I can tell where the story is going, the detective will probably become the hunted, but thats just what makes it action/adventure. You did keep me hooked, on a stable level, I wasn't completely into it because you could have done better, but you did keep your level head, giving each character a personality and not mixing them so that the reader comes confused. Keep writing more, and pm me when you do, ill become one of your readers, and vice versa, I'm already done with a novel, already waiting to get it published and i'll let you read it once I post it on here.
There were some run on sentences but not too many, a minor flaw.