When Innocence Dies ~ Chapter three

hello ashleylee - wow you've been busy eh? LOL

Again, thanks for pointing out the errors.

As for your question:

The only part that kind of confused me was the part in the beginning. Is Darius and Lamina dating...or what? Or did they before? Try to clear that up about their history.

All will be revealed in due time but I guess since you've being so incredible with the reviews I will give you a spoiler.

No, they are not a couple. Lamia is more like a mentor or perhaps an older sister. There never has, nor ever will be a sexual relationship between the two.

Chapter three, here I go hehe

When Laura awoke it was to find herself surrounded by darkness.

This is very oddly worded. Try instead something like: When Laura awoke, she found herself surrounded by darkness. or something like that.

“Well I am sorry Detective Sunhill. I am telling you what I know. It’s your job to make sense of it based off what the evidence tells you.”

Should be a comma after "sorry"

“Very well. Get some rest Ms. Faust.”

Comma after "rest"
And this goes for dialogue as well. When there is a name the character is refering to as they talk, there should be a comma always before it like so:

"blah blah blah, NAME."

or

"NAME, blah blah blah."

“I could kiss you for this.” She said with the first smile in days; peeled back the lid and inhaled the deep rich scent.

Okay, it should be a lowercase "s" on "she" here. You need to remember that this dialogue piece should read:

"I could kiss you for this," she said... Comma after "this" and small "s" on "she" that's proper way to do it. Just remember this for future use

Oooo, this is getting so good, Sorsha!

The only part that kind of confused me was the part in the beginning. Is Darius and Lamina dating...or what? Or did they before? Try to clear that up about their history.

Otherwise, I'm on to chapter four!

When they awoke, it would be to feel incredibly charged, revived and in most cases the horror of the offenses they’d committed would be nothing them then a dream easily forgotten upon opening your eyes.

One of few run on sentences you have in your story, they are not major run ons but they are still run ons. Speak your words out clearly, and if you run out of breathe saying one sentence, its a run on.

“Let take this video to the lab;

"Lets take this video to the lab to get it examined;[/quote]