z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

No Shame

by SirenCymbaline


I don't make a habit of promises

To me they're sentiments and nothing more

I've broken promises before, for my sake and yours

And I have no shame

I have no shame, I have no shame

For what I've had to say

I did it for love, I have no shame

I am not guiltless of lies, I've told my share

We've all told our share

For our love, I'd do it again

And I've done it again

And again, and again

I have no shame, I have no shame

For what I've had to say

I did it for love, I have no shame

Please don't take it personally if you think I don't trust you

You're not the only one I might have lied to

Please don't take it personally

You're the only one I've told this to, 

it's true

There are very few I can tell these things to,

and there's always you

I have no shame, I have no shame

For what I became, for who I love

I have no shame

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22 Reviews

Points: 1841
Reviews: 22

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Sun Oct 25, 2015 10:28 pm
unluminescent wrote a review...



Hey Siren! I'm a huge fan of poetry, so I decided to delve a little more into lyrics as well; I'm so glad one of the first lyrics I read was yours. :) Here's my two cents:

I don't make a habit of promises

Wow, what a way to begin. I like how strong the opening line is, and it really sets the serious tone for the rest of the piece.

And I have no shame
I have no shame, I have no shame
For what I've had to say
I did it for love, I have no shame

The repetition of "I have no shame" is a beautiful addition to the piece. I feel like the speaker is constantly reminding him/herself that he/she did the right thing and should not feel shameful about his/her actions.

Near the end, "it's true" and "and there's always you" should be capitalized like the rest of the piece. You set a pattern early on and you should stick to it.

All in all, this piece is really very good. I like how it sounds out loud, and I love the effect that the repetition has on the entire work. I can't wait to read some more from you. :)

-unluminescent




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245 Reviews

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Reviews: 245

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Wed Sep 30, 2015 8:57 pm
ChocolateCello wrote a review...



ChocolateCello here!

Okay, so this said 'lyrical' but I couldn't help but read it as a script. It kind of reminded me of the Shakespeare type stuff I've been reading... I don't know.

Into the editing

for my sake and yours

This would do a lot better if it was 'for yours'. It's a bit clearer and it sounds better too.

it's true

This needs to be capitalized. (This being 'it's'.) Stick to the pattern.

Other than that, it was pretty good. I might suggest adding punctation though. I know some writers don't like punctation but I feel that it's needed here. If you gave this poem to me to edit, here's what I would do. I would make everything into sentences, only capitalize the beginnings, and put punctuation at the endings. Simple as that. I feel it would really help the flow and understanding.

I don't know why, (Usually I hate things with a bunch or repetition) but I REALLY enjoyed this. Maybe it was the emotion I connected with it. Honestly, I don't know. Just keep doing what you're doing!

-ChocolateCello




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498 Reviews

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Reviews: 498

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Wed Sep 30, 2015 3:27 am
Que wrote a review...



Hello Siren!
These are some pretty cool lyrics. Do you have a tune in mind for them, or are they just written?

Anyway, near the end you say "it's true" and "and there's always you". Previously, you've capitalised the beginnings of each line- are these two lowercase intentionally to make them stand out, or are they simply accidental?

I liked the repetition in this poem- "and again and again" and "I have no shame, I have no shane". I also like the running theme of doing it for love- although I think you could express it using different words occasionally to change things up- "because you're special", "because I care for you" etc., but it's your choice. Using "love" often also creates an impact.

Nicely done here! I really liked the first line the best: "I don't make a habit of promises"- it really pulled me in!!

-Falco






I left the beginning of some lines uncapitalised to connect them to the one that came before it.




“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly