Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was a rather well-written story. I liked the almost theatrical narration that pulled us into the story from the very beginning and kept us entertained until the very end. Like another reviewer said, it was almost like listening to a fantastical story narrated by your elder sibling. You know there is something very unbelievable about it, but you can't help but be enraptured in it either.
Your narration was very strong. If we look beneath the surface, then there really wasn't a plot behind this story. It was more of a reflection or rather a narration about this character of Black Sun and her very intriguing pair of knives. You build the myth around the character and the knives very well. It arrests our attention and demands us to listen and read. Your descriptions evoke a graveness in the readers and it leaves us a little unsure about how exactly to perceive this protagonist who apparently goes around killing without guilt and deriving power from it.
One thing I was rather curious about - the naming of the protagonist as the Black Sun. There must be some underlying rationale behind it and I was actually a little disappointed that it found no mention in the story. Characters like these often have an origin story that turn out to be more interesting than the actual story. Here, I think you had a lot of creative space to twist a story that would have satisfied your readers.
I, personally find it very difficult to imagine a sun being black - and maybe its that sense of wary disturbance that you wanted to portray through this character. The title of the story does have an ominous vibe to it after all.
A few nitpicks:
The reason the blades do not kill her or drain her by touch is she made a life-bargain.'
Insert a 'because' here after 'is', so that the line reads: "The reason the blades do not kill her or drain her by touch is because she made a life-bargain."
She has a long history of betrayal, often getting what she can from an employer or comrade, then gracefully dispatch them.
I think 'dispatching' fits better here than 'dispatch'. The sentence reads better as: She has a long history of betrayal, often getting what she can from an employer or comrade, then gracefully dispatching them."
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 82352
Reviews: 659
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