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Young Writers Society



The Black Sun

by SirenCymbaline


A suspicious character, bearing two blades. The blades are identical. Curved, engraved blades, Ivory Wood handles with a single citrine stone in the middle. They have a red tinge to the edge. Her eyes glow hauntingly like blood in the dark. The heart of mercilessness. The Black Sun, they call her. Few have met her and lived, but this description is known throughout the world. A description given by the only people on earth to have survived being in eyesight range of this tyranous phantom. This is all the people know of the Black Sun. What I know, what you are about to know, are deep secrets. Her blades. More than steel death instruments. They are the source of her deadly dark magic. They are mentally connected to her. The blades drain life-force on contact with the skin. They are slightly superior. The Black Sun and her blades fight and breathe in unity. She does not eat, she and the power of the blades feed of the life-forces that they annihilate. The palms of her gloves are cut out so she can touch and connect with them. If she leaves the blades unsupervised, they come alive and destroy everything and everyone, on BOTH sides. Everyone except her. The reason the blades do not kill her or drain her by touch is she made a life-bargain. She works with them, killing everything/one, and enhancing their power with every life taken. More lives, more power, health, strength and in some cases, knowledge. No interrogations, just let the blades do the talking. She has a long history of betrayal, often getting what she can from an employer or comrade, then gracefully dispatch them. If she were to give up her blades, they would kill her, go on a bit of a rampage, and wait for someone to take her place. She is forced to be what she is because of the blades. But she brought this on herself. She likes her lifestyle and her blades. And I doubt that will change.


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Mon Sep 05, 2022 7:34 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was a rather well-written story. I liked the almost theatrical narration that pulled us into the story from the very beginning and kept us entertained until the very end. Like another reviewer said, it was almost like listening to a fantastical story narrated by your elder sibling. You know there is something very unbelievable about it, but you can't help but be enraptured in it either.

Your narration was very strong. If we look beneath the surface, then there really wasn't a plot behind this story. It was more of a reflection or rather a narration about this character of Black Sun and her very intriguing pair of knives. You build the myth around the character and the knives very well. It arrests our attention and demands us to listen and read. Your descriptions evoke a graveness in the readers and it leaves us a little unsure about how exactly to perceive this protagonist who apparently goes around killing without guilt and deriving power from it.

One thing I was rather curious about - the naming of the protagonist as the Black Sun. There must be some underlying rationale behind it and I was actually a little disappointed that it found no mention in the story. Characters like these often have an origin story that turn out to be more interesting than the actual story. Here, I think you had a lot of creative space to twist a story that would have satisfied your readers.

I, personally find it very difficult to imagine a sun being black - and maybe its that sense of wary disturbance that you wanted to portray through this character. The title of the story does have an ominous vibe to it after all.

A few nitpicks:

The reason the blades do not kill her or drain her by touch is she made a life-bargain.'

Insert a 'because' here after 'is', so that the line reads: "The reason the blades do not kill her or drain her by touch is because she made a life-bargain."

She has a long history of betrayal, often getting what she can from an employer or comrade, then gracefully dispatch them.

I think 'dispatching' fits better here than 'dispatch'. The sentence reads better as: She has a long history of betrayal, often getting what she can from an employer or comrade, then gracefully dispatching them."

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:08 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Very nice description. I have never read The Black Sun, but still I love this writing. I only could noticed two little mistakes:

AnnieBauthor wrote:The Black Sun, the call her.
I think you meant the the to be they

AnnieBauthor wrote: What I know, what you are about to know, are deep secrets of . Her blades.
I don't know for sure what is meant to be there but I maybe the full stop should disappear and so should the capital H?

Apart from that, smashing job!

Deanie x




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Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:44 am
PandorasChild wrote a review...



Hey Annie! :) haha your description was very cute, In my brain played the voice of an excited child relaying the story to an older sibling or some one who (gasp!) knows nothing of The Black Sun. I don't have time to nit pick much but one small one which caught me is why is her name The Black Sun? You identify the red, but not really the black and how the sun comes into it? :) the "And I doubt that will change" on the end was very incriminating ;)
Well done!





Saying Why-Double-you-Ehs is inversely like saying Ah-beh-Seh (Abc)... just say yewis it's cooler.
— Anonymous