The Deep-Throated Siren calls
She calls you to her halls
Lined with the bones of men
Who swore to never go there again
*
The Deep-Throated Siren calls
You swore you wouldn't fall
Or offer up your neck
Just to feel her breath
*
The Voice, it calls to you
''You swore you would be true
To the one you left behind
Keep that face clear in mind''
*
The Siren calls to you
''Forget the pain you knew
I'll give you numb and pleasant death
Give me your empty breath''
*
The Deep-Throated Siren calls
I guided you past her halls
But the truth you wouldn't see
The Siren, I am she
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140,390 Literary Works • 673,150 Reviews
Hey Siren! Shey here for a review!
This was a neat poem that I really enjoyed (I start to many review like that, even for short stories)(not really). As a result of this being a near perfect poem, I haven't got a lot to comment on.
My one suggestion is to space out the things the siren says. For instance, you have two stanzas where their is dialogue of the siren back to back. My suggestion is to change the order of your stanzas so that it doesn't seem to redundant. This isn't a major thing and really isn't entirely necessary, but it might still be a good call.
That's really all I got. In total, wonderful job on this poem. I can only guess your motivation may have been a fascination with sirens (Your username gave some hints), but I'd love to know why you chose to write about sirens.
Great job! Keep up the good work!
-Shey
I completely understand this poem, it is really good! It shows you to let loose, even though you told yourself not to. I loved the way you ended the poem, you grabbed my attention. There is some repetition,but, the way the poem is I think everything works. If I have missed anything I am completely sorry! I also need you to know I have bad grammar, so I'm sorry about that too. Great job and I hope you never stop writing!
Keep Writing,
Miranda