i am just an astronaut stuck in space

Hi honeymoon, I read your poem a while back, but thought I'd leave a review in honor of Review Month.

So, I like the aesthetic of this poem first of all - it looks clean and crisp and hip with the font choice, lowercase letters, and little moon image. I think the word choice could be a bit more amplified to match this quirky space vibe though, for instance there are a lot of technical and more scientific words that could replace some of the more generic words in here, it just takes a bit of research and thought to find them.

I think there was also something about the last two three lines that struck me as being odd, I think because the second to last line is so formal in a moment that should be terrifying and its addressed to "someone" but the speaker is in space so there's no one around.

I took the meaning of this poem to be that the speaker is an astronaut, they're in space, and out of oxygen but no one's around to help them, so they'll surely die. Taking the oxygen and space as a metaphor, this could also mean that the speaker is without hope and is also all alone so they feel they are disconnected from the world, and without hope or other people to ask for help, it makes life not worth living.

I think one aspect of this piece that I'd like to see amplified is the astronaut or speaker's actual emotional reaction. The audience reads that they have "lost all hope" but we don't know what they've lost hope in, if it's merely the oxygen the meaning of the poem doesn't have as much bite. And then we don't really get their reaction -- if they're in space why are they working so hard not to scream or cry? Who would care if they did? They are alone, but how does that make them feel? Do they have family? Basically, I just want an opportunity to be able to connect more to the speaker while reading this piece emotionally because at this point it seems more action and physical description driven.

Another thought I had, is why are they trying to get out of the moon's crater? If they're out of oxygen, being in a moon crater doesn't seem like the biggest problem, in fact it doesn't seem to really matter. I think that the oxygen conflict is enough without having to add falling into moon craters.

Overall, nice job, I look forward to reading more of you work.

~alliyah

Hi there Honeymoon! This is Kays here dropping in for a review on this lovely Review Day. Let's cut the long intro and jump right in.

I can see that this poem is on the shorter side and I can even call this edging on being minimalist which is an aspect in short poetry that I always enjoy seeing and talking about. With that being said, let's start with the minimalism--the length of this poem is actually a plus this time around. Dragging this one out or lengthening and giving more detail wouldn't do a lot more to help this out.

However, playing around with the content may. I can see that this poem plays around with the metaphor of the speaker being an astronaut quite a bit and this shows up in the title which also happens to be the last line. Play around with the imagery in this for a better affect? The part about 'no one to help to pull me back down to earth' is clunky which is another problem that I found with this poem--the wording and diction aren't all that strong. Work on that.

Read the poem aloud to fix up the flow and to find the awkward spots. Work on the diction and move phrases around. I don't do or say this often, but I'm going to suggest adding in punctuation to this poem for flow. Punctuation dictates flow and how the poem is read, and that's important. The flow is what keeps this all together.

Overall, I found this to be a little lacking? The concept of this is interesting but the execution doesn't keep my attention or do anything fresh or new. This doesn't have to have all fresh ideas but this does have to have a strong execution. Fresh ideas can however add more spice and I wanted to see more creativity in the way of imagery and in themes. The emotions of this poem are able to be stronger and I want them to be stronger and I want the imagery to be more interesting and powerful. I can see this being done better with revision, Honeymoon! Don't give up on this one.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hello! Here for a review!
I love poems, so this caught my eye.
I like the font that you did, really shows the mood of the poem. I also like how you have every 4th line in italics, a good way to show emphasis on the powerful lines. When you said, "can someone please aid me ?" I like how you added a space before the question mark. Just the little things that add power to the poem.
Now for the words of the poem itself, very powerful. It spoke to me in a way that the words didnt show, but I am a sad person naturally so maybe that is just me. I liked the line "i choke on my own words"

But this is me giving happy encouragement again, so nothing much. But I hope you have a good rest of the weekend,

Kimmycat