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doctor

by Rosella



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841 Reviews


Points: 664
Reviews: 841

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Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:53 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this poem concerning the comparison of two persons, one who seems maliciously uncaring and clumsy and the other one strives to heal the damage. I like how the poem looks on the page and the use of a doctor analogy.

The poem conveys the mood of resentfulness very well via the use of wounds inflicted and left unhealed. I like how this person is described as dabbing ineffectually at the wounds he himself created.

I have personally seen that countless times in people who offend others and then offer unbelievable halfhearted apologies as if they were enough to compensate for the horrendous damage that had been done. Or perhaps choose to offer some gift that is supposed to compensate for the severe suffering they inflicted. Then, amazingly, they are astonished when their ineffectual efforts aren't appreciated or are condemned outright as they are in this poem.

Questions:


What does "rustic stains" mean in this situation?. Also, what does her heart sounding like a lullaby mean?

Suggestions

The word "use" occurs twice and too close together.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.




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19 Reviews


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Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:14 pm
dalisay wrote a review...



aye rosey (soon to be honeymoon ;) )
I just wanted to take the time to dissect this beauty of a poem. (I'm lame sorry

ON WITH THE REVIEW:

My Favorite Lines

child-like band aids never work for grief


I think it's because I love all things that are childish and like nostalgic but also, this analogy was spot on. Saying how this other guy hardly put the effort to fix the hurt. Just slapping a band aid on doesn't solve life's problems.

He patched up the ruins and filled the vacancy you left behind in selfish greed.


Italics when stating "He" really worked for me because A.) the capitalization shows importance in a poem while everything else (including the first guy) was in lowercase. The Italics do this effect for me as well.

Things I would add / tweek

There were some parts in the poem were I understood the concept, however the tenses confused me a bit. One point, you talk about the past by using "ed" and such. But then switch to present and back to past. Tense switch is tricky and sometimes it is needed, but I found it just a bit hard to follow.

~*~

Honestly, this poem as a whole is wonderful and BEAUTIFULLY written. I am in love with this (close in my book to your other work "honeymoon") and I think you did a SUPERB job. I can see the effort and the skill you put in and it paid off ;)

~Galaxy




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Points: 170
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Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:16 am
MarryJaneHolland wrote a review...



Hello! MaryJaneHolland here to leave a quick review. First let me lose my classy aura for a second....Okay girl slay! I loved this poem it revealed so much to me. I enjoyed the description of how you were damaged by the lover you once had but through the flames came your knight willing to fix you. Your poem flow was great and the word choice was rather impressive. I also liked the formatting of the poem also. It was refreshing to see something different than the standard poem style. Keep up the great work sis! And congrats on making the front page! (P.S buy Joanne on iTunes). I am embarrassing that is why I have no friends lol. Bye!




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48 Reviews


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Mon Apr 03, 2017 5:35 pm
CocoaCat wrote a review...



Sup, DeepRoses! It's your girl Caitlin; comin' at you!
I'm here (obviously) to review your poem.
Wow. Just wow. This was a really beautiful poem, that flowed really nicely and I didn't notice any spelling errors, so that's a plus. It was so incredible that I had to hunt down my friend and rip out her earbuds. She agrees and says that it is great.
Now, I take this as being in a bad relationship and then getting into a new one and learning to trust again. In the first stanza you really got to the point. The bad relationship had ripped your heart, probably didn't take you seriously, and obviously, wasn't very positive. Then in the next stanza, it talked about the next relationship that affected you for the better and helped you learn to trust again.
The two relationships were being compared with a bad doctor and a good one. But this was really great.
That is a wrap, peace out fellow writers!





“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly