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Who I Am.

by Rosella



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15 Reviews


Points: 2800
Reviews: 15

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Sat Dec 09, 2017 5:05 am
neptune wrote a review...



Hello, Rosella. I'll be reviewing your poem today, so let's get right into it!

I can tell this piece is very close to you and matters a lot, so I want to get my point across but still have this be your poem. Point is, I don't want to change it completely up through my suggestions. Because this poem is about you and the concept is surrounded on you and your growing self, it was very strong and powerful. I'm not sure how that is.
I see that the first three stanzas are strongest -- in my opinion. They seem to contain more metaphors/seem more poetic, in sense that the rest of the poem is almost just more literal and specific. For example, you go from

I am not a poster you can roll away and hide in your closet

to
I may be struggling in history but I know I will succeed in mathematics.

I'm not saying the more literal parts of this poem are bad, just that the transitioning could use more work. The fourth stanza mainly talks about academics and is really specific on your educational strengths/weaknesses. Now, I think that is a creative and nice idea to have in your poem, however (like I said before) the transitioning between the third and fourth stanza are needed.
But I am also a human that will decay into nothing one day
like everyone else in the whole dang world.

I feel like it's strange to have the word "dang" in this part; not just because it almost seems less poetic with that word use, but because if you want to emphasize how big the world is or the world in general I would use a different word. "dang" simply doesn't seem... fitting? I hope that makes at least a little sense.

I do really admire the format of your poem. It goes from who you won't be for people, to your weaknesses/strengths, and then to your "who I am" part. I seriously respect the work, effort, and time you put into this. I can tell it means a lot to you! In the time throughout the poem, though, it has a whole transformation, just as I'm sure you have in your life. It is very interesting.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I hope this review helped somewhat.

neptune




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36 Reviews


Points: 2077
Reviews: 36

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Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:26 am
Lake wrote a review...



This was soooo spiritual to me. It's basically how I feel, I need to read this every day so that way I can remind myself that in order to change the darkness, I need to turn on my own light. Cause if I don't, I'll bring others down as the consequence. That's the message I got from that, and I loved it. I hope you create more things like this! It's inspired me to change in the slightest of ways that will make a big difference. Great job! Keep up the good work!:)




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14 Reviews


Points: 131
Reviews: 14

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:35 pm
HopeSummers101 wrote a review...



Hey, Mary here to do a review.

I love this poem. It talks about how we are our own people. Which I love, because I am most definitely my own, weird person. :)
My favorite lines are in the first stanza:
"I am not a painting you can create with fragments of your imagination.
Nor am I clay to be molded into who you want me to be"

You did such a good job in conveying this theme, of being yourself and not what someone else wants you to be. Your descriptions were amazing and your comparison with the garden was really well done and thought out.
I really love the line where you said a girl with a big heart for the Lord. You aren't afraid to share what you believe, and that's what makes a good writer.
Keep it up!




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167 Reviews


Points: 38
Reviews: 167

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:22 pm
Dreamworx95 wrote a review...



Hi Rosella, I enjoy the structure of this narrative poem. The format is very pleasing to the eye. There are a quite a few striking phrases throughout the piece:

I will not let people water my garden

I am not a book to be abandoned on a shelf

The narrator has a lot of resilience and candor, struggling to reconcile who she is with who the world wants her to be. Struggling to overcome the stresses of school. The final sentence is illuminating - she's relied on others to validate her and now she realizes she only needs her own validation.

Great little piece, thanks for sharing,

-Dream





We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare