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139,414 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
beautiful use of diction and i love the way you speak of love manifesting more evidently in distress. the structure was great and your emotions came through very evocatively, i could definatley feel your emotion with every passing line. I love the way you speak of love as a healer, it was almost like you were describing the ressurection of your own soul. very beautifully written! the only thing i would say that can be improves is perhaps articulation and word play! its always great when poets can hide the message behind the words leaving the readers to ponder upon its true meaning. over all great poem! was a delightful read with an important take away message, of true love and acceptance.
Yes, I'm leaving my own comment on my poem. I just wanted to say that I wrote this poem for a really special someone in my life, and every word in this poem I tried to make it into the words I felt for him. Me and him, are opposites. I am a broken person with an awful past and so many emotional/trust issues, and he is the sunshine in my life who is slowly fixing me. In this poem I talk about how he keeps me safe, he reassures me, how he makes me smile and feel warmth, how he saves me from my darkness and can make any day a good day. I decided to not focus on grammar or capitalization because I wanted people to focus on the emotion. I played with words and made a poem i didn't expect myself to write. It was a short poem, because I was afraid to make it too long, but I think this poem addressed a lot of feelings I can't say I'm simple paragraph form. So, for those who read/review this, this poem means a lot to me and it's something I didn't even know I could create.
Pretty gud.
One thing I might point out, especially in the last stanza, is that it kind of seems out of place/vague when you go from sensual descriptions to emotional definitions. "Morose", "gloomy", "lively", and "wistful".
When it comes to words like these, take "morose" for example, don't just say something's morose, describe why it's morose, how it makes you feel, how it makes you see the world, how it makes you feel when wake up. Anything about it that manifests in a physical way could be used for a description. I know this is generic advice, but it's generic for a reason. Now, this isn't to say that you can't use these words at all. Of course, there are places they fit and work best. But you've written a very sensual poem here, and those don't contribute any sensual descriptions.
Hope this helps. Keep writing.
--Tramsned
'okay' not 'ok' in writing *cringes* (other than that, good poem)
I actually originally put "okay" but i decided not to XD
"ok" is texting slang xD (my soul dies a little every time i see it in writing).
but Rachel.... i didn't know you had a soul XD <3
true true
speaking aesthetically, especially in poetry, there's no correct way to do anything. If changing the spelling of a word works better, then do it.
Yeah, that's true. I wasn't sure Rose knew if okay was the grammatically correct way to spell it or not.
Hey DeepRoses, it's Oreos here for a review!
First off I really like your title. Then as I read your poem I found it suited it. I just the way you start off your poem with
This stanza really tells you that they person in this poem really cares for you. I love your description it really brings out the emotion you feel about this persona and how they feel for you
The next stanza:
I was a little confused here but got it after I reread the poem. I think this is just beautiful how you know he will protect you and be there for you when you need him. I about cried.
The next stanza:
The first line is just beautiful and i think that this the strongest part of your poem. You really tie everything together here. Great job!
And finally the last stanza:
I think these lines are exquisite and you really bring your poem to a great ending. You second line melted my heart, I could feel the emotion. I could feel how much you love this person. This was a great ending to your poem.
Overall I think that this was beautifully written and you should be proud of this one! I'm sure it was your intention to have no punctuation or capital letters at the beginning of each line, so I'm not gonna get into that. But It could potentially make it better. Otherwise I think that this was an incredible piece. Keep writing and I hope to read more of you wonderful work in the future!
Oreos
thank you, im happy you like it <3