Young Writers Society

This is ZeldaIsShiek for one last review until I take a break until tomorrow. Review Day has been fun, and I'll return tomorrow, but it's about time for me to start *thinking about* getting a bit of sleep between the reviews. Let's get into this incredible poem!

This is obviously a poem about having a child and becoming a mother, but it's more than that. It's about a mother whose mother was not a mother, but a captor and someone who did not let their child be who they wanted, but forced them to be who they wanted their children to be and held them to every action they took. I can't prove the details, but the line "and be the mother you couldn't be" should be enough to justify the theory that her mother was not the best, and that she wants to make up for that by proving she can be a better mother than hers.

The part about her being accepting of whatever her child wants regardless of their gender is something that is very important to being a mother, and is probably something that her mother did not do for her when she was a child, prompting her to write the wrongs of the precious generation and let her children be whoever they want to be.

That's all I have for today. It's really a great piece of work, but nothing was wrong with it. It was nearly perfect! Just astounding, and worth a follow alone! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking some hot cocoa! So, lets get started!
So, "I'll start adorable family traditions" needs a comma after but other wise there are no other grammar mistakes and I did not notice any spelling mistakes. Good job on that part.
Now is when I dissect you poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! In your poem, you are talking about how a mother was once there for their child but after a certain age...well thing kinda crumbled. The woman is hoping that when they have kids, that their kids wont have to go through the same thing ever again. They hope that they will teach their children well and that they will not make the same mistakes as their parent did. They want to be better then them and have a better life. They will be the woman, the mother that their mother never was. This woman will actually help her kids in their academic struggles and make sure they keep their grades up. She will be there to comfort them and tell them that thing will get better, that they are strong and can get through there troubles. She is perfectly fine if her child is Transgendered, Gay, Lesbian, Asexual, etc. She doesn't care about that, as long as she does a better job at parenting then her parents.
Anyways, I liked the poem, keep up the great work and Happy Halloween! I really should go now, Grim has some dead to help and I ran out of hot cocoa for him.

Hey! Cello here for a quick review!

I liked this work- the last stanza especially, but I'd love to help you find some places you could improve. I'll work through stanza by stanza.

In the last line of the first stanza, the 'then' feels awkward. The 'then' is implied, and in poetry it's good to be selective with your words. If it's not needed, don't use it.

In the second stanza there are a few minor issues with tenses. When you say 'the perfect family I couldn't have', the 'couldn't' sort of implies past, present, and future. I'm assuming you want your child to have their perfect family with you, so it wouldn't make sense for you to never have a perfect family in the future. Changing 'couldn't' to 'could never' changes the sound of the sentence and, to a degree, the implications, but it doesn't truly solve the problem. If you wanted to truly fix this it might require adding another line or two. Since that requires some rewrite, I'll leave the choice up to you.
In the last like 'made' needs to be 'makes', as you're talking about a son who may be born in the future.

In the fifth stanza, I'm not a fan of your use of 'cheesy'. The Elf on the Shelf is already being modified as 'adorable' and I just don't think the extra adjective is necessary.
I also have mixed feelings on 'everything I am'. It just feels... out of place? I don't know how to describe it. Maybe it's a matter of opinion- just take a little time to look at that.

I really like this last stanza. It's powerful and it's well written. I'm not sure if the italicization of 'you' really adds anything to the stanza though. At first I thought it might be better to italicize 'couldn't' but then I gave it some thought and decided that the stanza would look better with no italicization at all.

Over all this was a strong work- you are clearly a strong write. My one concern is that this doesn't take up the traditional traits of poetry. It had power and meaning but it strays from the expectations imagery, sensory, and enticing language. This could be easily fixed with some edit on your vocabulary or, might I also suggest, looking into personal essays? Personal essays can be flowery like poetry but they also allow for a degree of formality. You have more room to get your thoughts across while still writing a beautiful and individual piece.

Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello