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140,186 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
firstly, oh my. secondly, i think i might have found my new favorite poem on this site?
i really like how you mix the kind of child-like drip drop drip drop and "while i am trapped in the bathtub that i had outgrown long ago" (suggesting the writer was once a child, fitting inside everything perfectly?) mixes with the intellectual language and well built sentences.
the way you described your eyes changing seasons and then uncontrollably turning into puddles is so strong i probably won't ever forget that line.
thank you so much for this piece of art and for letting all of us who read into the secure bathtub of your writing....
awhhh thank you soo much <3
I agree with the previous reviewer I like how you left this poem in lowercase...I'll have a go at interpreting it correct me if I'm wrong - the lowercase does parallel the theme of vulnerability which is implied throught the visual imagery
I assume this is the releasing of emotion (a little ironic because spring is traditionally associated with happinesss and winter is associated with more negative feelings).The feelings alienates the speaker because he/she feels 'trapped in the bathtub,' which doesn't even fit the speaker in? 'I had outgrown long ago.'
The last stanza explores the theme of alienation further by explaining that these negative feelings are caused by abuse of trust (abandonmment?)
this bit is vague for me if it is abuse of trust you could expand of these because it is a central part of the poem.
again not sure how to interpret this I feel like I would be overinterpreting if I said faucet symbolised the speaker talking because its too vague
I assume because you mentioned tears in the line above you are referring to how soap can sting you eyes? which parallels how the speaker shared secrets?
Overall I loved the poem for its depth it has potential but you need to expand in the last stanza its too vague. (I know you wrote this without much editions tho)
hey there honey pie just felt like this poem was too adorable NOT to review so here you go!
Things about the poem I LOVED
- the format of this poem is one of my favorites. I felt like the way you broke it down into shorter stanzas made it simpler yet easier to read.
- FANTASTIC imagery. Simple as that. Let it be known that honey is the QUEEN of imagery!
^um YES. It paints a picture in my head of a girl sitting in a bathtub almost motionless and her just focusing on the small little ripples in the water. EXCELLENT.
- Lastly, I loved the story it told. a girl is in her bathtub and I imagine it's like me when I sit in my childhood bathtub and my legs don't fit anymore and it makes me sad. You can tell she misses something from her childhood and I assume it's her childhood friends that left her. So applicable because everyone goes through people coming and going in their life and they just sit and wish for childhood again. Super deep.
Things I would change
Not much is wrong here but as I was reading there were just a few bumps were I was like "It's good but I would do such and such" so here are my comments!
This for me was just a smidge awkward wording. I would change it personally to,
I just felt like it needed to be a little bit shorter being all the other lines are so short, sweet and simple.
also, there was this line
I like this line, but again it was a little hiccup for me in the flow. Maybe consider a different word choice? This poem is so good it so hard to pick critique because it's so beautiful!
~o~
I hope my review helps and omg I love your cute writing style. Some dark subjects people tend to write dark but this cute style and word choice takes the edge off and allows the reader to understand the emotion better!
Keep writing <3
~Galaxy
thank you for the review Galaxy! Will definitely take your suggestions into action <33
how is it now?
i like it more! i could figure out a way to word it but i remembered as i hit submit. i was going to suggest,
"perhaps it was my fault for letting the water overflow"
but after reading the revision you made, i cant choose which I love more! Either one is great and again I LOVE YOUR STYLE IN THIS POEM IM GETTING MELANIE MARTINEZ IN MY HEAD NOW.
couldn't*
Legacy here for a review.
I like how you left the poem in all lowercase (usually it annoys me very much) because of the fact the narrator seems to be a child or at least acting like one. I like how you have the drip drop in italics and on it's own line by itself to show importance.
The vocabulary seems to be an intellectual but the content seems to be a child or someone wishing to be a child again (correct me if I am wrong).
I love the story that you tell of someone being lonely because they think it's best for them, and then they let someone in. After they let that someone in, they drown on the narrator because of how the narrator is.
Only thing I would work on is the vocabulary in the beginning to help make it match with the narrator. Legacy.
the narrator is a teenager and the lowercase shows the sadness and how the narrator is too sad/lazy to even correct her work with capitalization, even so, it was a style choice.
thank you <3
Okay.