** This is an excerpt of a piece I am writing. I just wanted to know what you thought of it and if you thought there was enough of a story here to make into a novel, thanks. **
Tiffany was sitting on the floor of her new cabin in the Smokey Mountains, enjoying a glass of wine and the smell of a fresh layer of paint. Gary slide down beside her and kissed her on the cheek.
"You're beautiful."
"I'm getting fat."
"Pregnant's not fat."
"I'm not suppose to be pregnant remember?"
"Don't make me the bad guy. I have a reputation to up hold, a family to protect."
"You knew that before Chicago."
"So did you."
Falling into silence, Tiffany thought of that night five months ago. Chicago wasn't a city any more; it was the event that changed Tiffany's life. She wasn't just a groupie, she was Gary's bandmate's nanny. While on tour with the band, Tiffany would look after the guitarist children because he was a single dad. In the evenings, she would stay on the bus or rent a hotel room for the night if they were staying in the city longer than one night. Seemingly, it was always the same hotel where Gary's bus was parked, and for the last two years no one had caught on.
Everything was always under control. Gary handled everything, so when she sat with him after a show one night refusing a shot of whiskey or a swig of beer, of course, Gary had a plan, and here it was: Tiffany would tell Jason she had gotten pregnant and would need time off for doctor's appointments and the birth of the child, that she didn't know who the father was, so she was giving the child up for adoption, and could continuing working as normal a week after.
For her cooperation, Gary bought Tiffany a new car and a secluded cabin up in the mountains. She wondered whether his wife and the mother of his two young girls had any idea who she had married.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey Rasco
Fangirl here...
I like the way your story is coming ... Gary seems sweet and carrying (and I hope its that way fair the rest of the story ...) Tiffany seems a confusing character but it adds up to the fun *atleast for me* it seems this trailer of your work needs nothing more and I'm looking forward for the whole story.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY
fangirl~
P.S.-I already know that I suck at this reviewing stuff
You definitely do NOT suck at reviewing! You're very sweet, and they take practice; I'm surely not the best at it.
Hey Rasco
Fangirl here...
I like the way your story is coming ... Gary seems sweet and carrying (and I hope its that way fair the rest of the story ...) Tiffany seems a confusing character but it adds up to the fun *atleast for me* it seems this trailer of your work needs nothing more and I'm looking forward for the whole story.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY
fangirl~
P.S.-I already know that I suck at this reviewing stuff
Hello rascalover! CHRISSY321 here with a quick review!
.
I really love how this is going. I really do think that this is going to turn into a great story. You should keep going and turn this into a big plot! You add some drama in too. Is she really going to give up the baby? Will she tell Gary's wife what happened? You can really spice it up
You can write chapters of how all of these events led up to her getting pregnant. This can just turn into a big story, I can just see it now! I just really enjoyed this, but it felt more like a good description of the whole story. Writing these type of things can really help the writer write the whole story. I suggest you use what you have here and create a great story, and the your time with it! Write chapters! I know it will turn into something great
Keep Writing!
Chrissy
Hello, love the beginning of the story where Gary told Tiffany that being pregnant is not fat, I find it quite sweet which it lives up to the genre. However, I got quite confuse at the end about what happened to Tiffany and the last sentence "She wondered whether his wife and the mother of his two young girls had any idea who she had married."