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What Lies Within

by Rascalover


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

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A blank screen is so intimidating, but every time I remind myself no one else can create the world inside my head and the wondrous story it tells, I am forced to sit back down at this laptop and try to transcend a broken story of drugs, alcohol, domestic violence, and a victim's transformation into a survivor on to the page.

The victim always has everything against her, at least in her world. She sees everyone as selfish beings until they dry her of everything she can give them. She has fought hard to get through a traumatic childhood to get where she is: with an addict who demeans her and pushes her to every limit imaginable. Standing in her childhood basement, pretending to teach her baby-dolls their alphabet, Tiffany didn't know she'd ever snort cocaine, smoke meth, or have her boyfriend break down the bathroom door, so he could try and beat her to death.

What forced her from a middle class childhood to that kind of filth infested world, you ask? No one ever loved her. Affection was scarce in her household. She grew up knowing only a hand full of things: with sex comes power and with power comes dominance.

He had never met a girl not willing to have sex. The chase enticed him, and what he thought would be a one night stand became a three month waiting game that he wasn't willing to commit to. She had no idea his intentions were short term. His charm was slim at best, and from an experienced outsider's point-of-view, you could easily tell he was just using her, but to her that was love.

She bought his cigarettes and coffee. She took him to recovery meetings. Their dates consisted of her wandering around a library alone while he talked to others online and filled out job applications. She thought she was helping him build for his future, and therefore helping their future. He knew they'd never had a future to look forward too to began with. She couldn't get enough of his menthol caramel kisses, and he endured her lip biting just until she could be kicked to the curb.

Life throws curveballs dunked in sour lemons, and for once his mind tricked him into having an ounce of compassion for a human he had spent everyday with for the last three months. He uncle was murdered, so she tried to cancel their date. She had made a homemade gift and bought him chocolate, and he kissed her. She wasn't use to ever having a date for valentines day, so the lack of a gift from him wasn't something she even cared to mention. She pulled into the church parking lot to go to the recovery meeting, and this time she turned around at the doorway of the chapel and sprinted back to the car. This time she wanted to be selfish and it was going to cost her everything she thought she was working towards.

She wanted to drop him off at his sober living house. She wanted to go home and get drunk and go to sleep by herself. His soft tone of voice and gentle hands reminded her she didn't have to be alone this time. They took a detour to her favorite park, and when their attempt at sex was interrupted by innocent bystanders, she drove to his mom's house under his instruction because his mom would be drunk and passed out on the couch that late at night anyway.

They downed a bottle of tequila, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of crown. She couldn't keep her eyes open and definitely couldn't keep her balance. He had years of built up tolerance, and coerced her to his mother's unused bedroom. Having sex with a drunk twenty-five virgin should have been his first clue, he was in the wrong, but not even after he finished inside of her twice and left her to sleep, did he second think his actions. Taking her car for a spin with her wallet and coming back with more alcohol still didn't seem too bad of a choice for him.

His entrance into the small apartment woke her up, and she went to the bathroom. As she finished and walked out, he trapped her between his 5'11 stocky build and the bathroom door. As far as he was concerned, she had four options: let him buy drugs and not say anything, buy drugs with him and not say anything, dump him and he was still going to get drugs, or do the drugs with him and then dump him. Someone was going to relapse and their relationship was forever going to be changed.

After the multiple red flags his personalty threw out that night, it would still take her seven months, a move across the country, and him trying to kill her to force her to leave, and her heart definitely still stayed with him.

This page is no longer blank, but have we gotten any further into the crazy world that exist in my head? I'm not sure. I just know that the flashbacks and the memories sink me in every time I go to type, and they claw at the back of my eyelids at night because they want you to know they exists.


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38 Reviews


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Sun Jan 26, 2020 4:39 pm
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imaginer2018 wrote a review...



Hello, Rascalover. Writer's block is every writer's worst enemy. This is very relatable; every writer needs to sit down once in awhile and write every thought and emotion that comes to mind. And it helps, too, because you'll end up finding the characters, plot holes, and other important things when writing a story.

Sometimes, writers write just for the enjoyment and passion. Others write to bring attention to issues in society, such as George Orwell's Animal Farm or 1984 and Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

This story brings to light the sad reality of toxic/abusive relationships. The woman has never been loved, and she falls happily into a man's arms once he shows her affection. However, he's just using her.

She wasn't use to ever having a date for valentines day, so the lack of a gift from him wasn't something she even cared to mention.

This sentence hit me hard.

Entertainment is a huge part in our society, and it's grown to a massive industry. People immerse themselves in fiction. If more stories that feature abusive relationships took flight, people would take more notice.

I applaud you for bringing awareness to these awful realities. Good job!

Athena

Image




Rascalover says...


Thank you so much!! I really appreciate that!!



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Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:27 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...



This is a very intense story, and it reads very well. The story of a woman who has resigned herself to the ways in which a toxic/abusive relationship can fool her into thinking that she's receiving love is very powerful, and one that is unfortunately a reality for too many people in relationships.

I like the fact that it's written in third person, but we still get so much insight into the mind and the feelings of the main protagonist -- " She wasn't use to ever having a date for valentines day, so the lack of a gift from him wasn't something she even cared to mention." This line in particular stood out to me because it embodies so effectively the feeling of subtle desperation that she feels; she's sacrificing her own true happiness and fulfillment for the idea of love rather than the reality of the situation that she is in.

There are a lot of poignant moments throughout your story, and I like this line from the opening a lot: "...I remind myself no one else can create the world inside my head and the wondrous story it tells.." Not only is this relatable in a more meta sense, but it's also a strong statement of how even the darkest and most unhappy of stories must be told in just the same way as "happily ever after" stories are.

As I mentioned before, this is an incredibly powerful story, and you successfully capture the essence of the tragically deceptive nature of "love" that too many DV survivors experience.

Aside from a couple of areas that contained tiny errors (forgetting the R in "Her uncle died" or the extra s in "exists" at the very end), the poem is almost perfect in terms of grammar and spelling.

Very engaging and poignant read. Well done.




Rascalover says...


Thank you so much :)



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Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:11 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, there. This is relatable, because I understand the need to just write out thoughts as they tumble out in order to conquer writer's block. Sometimes that can help, actually, because as a writer names out what he/she wants to write, they sometimes find holes in the plot, characters, etc., that they need to figure out how to fill in, and even things like that are really important parts of writing.

The plot you follow throughout this short story is tinted with the gray clouds of sad reality. Unfortunately, too many people undoubtedly face situations like this one. Yet it is good to tackle the subject to show that sometimes people need to take drastic action in order to escape such a plight. If you as the author have personally been through something like this, it definitely qualifies you more to write about it. It also shows that you care enough to prove that a person can push their way to the top by doing the right thing, in spite of the fears which may try to hold them back.

I think this is something that people need to read about sometimes - not just to read about "horror story" situations and abuse, but to gain insight into what goes on in people's lives and realize how to help. If handled in the right way, a story like this can also provide inspiration to people who need an escape as they realize the seriousness of their situation and the benefits of doing whatever is necessary to break free.

Okay, I hope this review has been helpful. I hope that this is not something you have experienced personally in any way, but I'm here to talk if you know about this subject from first-hand experience. Don't be afraid to let loose and write your heart out; your efforts may benefit people more than you know. :)




Rascalover says...


I definitely can relate to this first hand unfortunately and I want to write about it to create more awareness on what to do in those kind of situations.




Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda