Mommy

I was being selfish, ungrateful. I never thought of anyone but me, but I never wanted to kill myself until I met you. You make me feel like the lowest piece of scum on Earth. You will never be proud of me because in your eyes, I can do nothing right. I should have never been born, a mistake from the start. You only wanted your perfect son, but we came two for the price of one. He was the apple of your eye; you were disgusted with each breath I took. I was spoiled; I was unthankful, unappreciative. A cold hearted bitch is what you called me, reminding me everyday how much you hate girls; they’re too hard to raise, told everyone to be glad I wasn’t their daughter. Sometimes I’m so angry I want to rip my face off and claw my eyeballs out until the blood gushes. Sometimes I’m so sad I can’t stop the tears from coming into my dreams. Even though, the truth is I’m just as disgusted with myself because I know all the things you say are true. I’m so tired, emotionally exhausted. You can pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, but I can see straight through your bullshit; maybe that’s why you hate me.

I hate myself even more than you hate me because I was raised that way. All the other little girls were prettier, smarter than me; you hated that you got stuck with me as a daughter. I’ll never be good enough for you. I could just vomit thinking about you. Please just leave me alone, get out of my head. I can’t take it any more. I’m slowly deteriorating before my eyes. Look at what I have become: a self absorbed, self conscious, low self esteemed, cold hearted bitch. Mommy are you happy now?