I've walked away. I left with no intentions of coming back. You waited for me like a loyal dog. You never stopped loving me, calling me, texting me, looking for me. Your adoration, persistence, unconditional love is the only reason I came back.
I became an adult and never was more confused in those years than any other time in my life. I didn't feel like an adult; I didn't know how to make adult decisions; I wasn't very mature like an adult, and I could barely take care of myself.
You were seven years younger than me, growing up in a world far worse than my own. Everyone said you needed me, but I only made things worse. I needed to leave. I'll never forget the day you helped me gather all my things from that house of hell and walked me to my car.
“I just can't do this any more. She's a bitch. I'm so sorry. You know I love you, and I'll always be here for you. I just... I can't. It's her not you. I love you so much.” I held you until I thought I was suffocating you. I didn't want to let you go. I knew that would be our last hug. I knew from that point on our relationship would forever be different. We had grown up as sisters, and here I was abandoning you.
Growing up together, I wanted what was best for you. I worried about you. I wanted to guide you, show you the way, but I was so focused on what you were doing I failed to lead by example. Being a Christian is not just a status quo. You have to make big decisions, stand by your word, and be a stand up person. I worried about my image more than anything else, not God.
I'm slowly coming back to the church where it all started. The people are new and know nothing of me. No one is interested or in love with the fact that I spent the last six years working seven days a week for this church just to abandon it. No one knew my name; they barely looked me in the eye, but you, you accepted me, still loved me.
Your youth pastor wanted to know me because you knew me, and through him I had to learn that you had made the decision to give your life to Christ, to be saved. I thought I had worked my butt off to see you make that decision; I thought I deserved to have the gratification of claiming I lead you to God, to church, but really I didn't even know you.
Here I am, watching you being baptized in the church baptismal pool with the lead pastor and youth pastor. Here I am a stranger among people I use to call my family. I let down all these people. I've pushed God away. I am a coward. I don't know how to be an adult with a child's mind. I do know that none of this matters because you are turning out to be exactly who I wanted to be, and I had nothing to do with it.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
hidere
I'm in severe procrastination mode atm, so here I am to review this lovely work of yours instead of continue with my exam revision. Go me!
Y'know what, I really like this. It's sweet and heartbreaking at the same time, and I love the subtlety of it. Your narrator is somewhat distant, and I think that really adds to the idea of her feeling separate from her sister. I'm not a religious person myself, so can't really comment on that much, but the way you wrote that aspect of it is lovely to me. You portrayed your narrator's passion for her spirituality well, and the complexity of her relationship with her sister and God is an interesting one to read about. Oh, and I'm super fond of her voice. It's gentle, but the underlying tones of uncertainty and sadness create a fascinating feel (if that makes any sense whatsoever). I really like this overall, I must say.
The only critique I've really got for you is that I'd rather like a bit more detail. I'd like some things to just be more vivid as everything is currently rather vague. I like an essence of vagueness because it creates an airy feel to the story (and hey, I like airy feels), but to really form a connection between your narrator and your readers, you need a bit more detail. Don't get me wrong, I do feel a slight connection to your narrator, but I want to feel her pain. I want my heart to break as I read the last sentence (which I love, by the way).
You really don't need much because the point of this is the inner turmoil your narrator feels, but just some smaller details thrown in could really amp up the impact of this. Perhaps you could give us some insight into more personal stuff, stories from the sisters' childhood, more insight into the 'bitch' your narrator referred to (I'm guessing step-mother?) At the moment, you're vaguely saying how your narrator strayed from God, struggled with adult life e.t.c. but we're not seeing it. I don't want, or expect, a life story or anything here. That would just overwhelm the message and main points of the story, but I'd like to see you explore the details of this girls' lives, y'know?
But yeah... that's all I have. I feel rather useless. This is a small piece, so I wasn't expecting to be able to come up with much, but I have a complex about not pulling out more than one critique from something, idk it's weird. It's a good thing for you though as it means I really struggled to find fault here. I do feel a bit out of my territory due to the genre of this, so I may be missing some stuff in that sense, but I'm super glad I read this. It had serious bittersweet undertones, and was just a general pleasure to read. Sorry I couldn't be of more help!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
This review was excellent! Thank you so much! It's actually a true story based on my life.
It was my pleasure
Aw really? That's super interesting!
Wow! Truly this is very powerful. I was able to understand and relate to her on a deep level. The story overall has a fantasic build up of emotion. I feel the end of the story arc was perfectly done and was satisfying to the reader. As a Christian I could completely understand how she felt. Although, I belive even someone without a Christian background would be able to realte. This is really a great work and I would love to see more of your work. I hope that you will keep writing.
Thank you so much!