The silence of space
Where nothing can penetrate
I'm wordlessly screaming
As the breath is sucked out of me
But please,
I'd rather die.
Silence is a pressure
Pushing in on my ears,
Pushing in on me,
Waiting for that empty place inside
To collapse and be filled,
But it can't.
Is it true that silence is a sound of its own?
Sometimes I try to touch it,
Or beg it to respond to my pleas
It can't, really, but if-
(If I think about it too much,
the absence of sound is overwhelming)
I mentally break down the air
Into molecules I can manage
Convince myself it's not truly empty space
Not like the void
Within myself-
Nothing can live there anymore.
It's like someone pulled the plug
On the soundtrack to my life
Leaving me going through the motions
A silent moving picture
The words are fading from my mind
Like the memories of you
And whether it's radio, headset, cassette tape, or telephone,
I don't even get the grace of static
Not anymore
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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
Hey there! It's thecolorofthesky here to review your poem. To start, I appreciate the concept of this poem, but it seems like the ideas need to be synthesized. There are really powerful lines, but they are scattered throughout the work. With that, let's look at each stanza!
is a bit redundant. Screaming implies no words unless specified. You could scream something, like a phrase that could carry on throughout the poem, or you could leave it with screaming. I would also omit The last few lines are strong, but I feel like something is lacking. I can't put my finger on it though.Stanza I: A period or semicolon after the first line would add emphasis to the second line.
Stanza V: Again! Punctuation is key in this stanza. I can understand that no punctuation creates a certain flow or urgency, repetition, etc, but this particular section needs punctuation.
Stanza VI: The listing in the first line might be a little much, but the mic drop lines at the end are lovely.
Wonderful job! Let me know if you revise. Write on!
Hello! Let's get reviewing!
The "mentally" here sounds out of place. Still, I like the imagery it brings.
I don't think "soundtrack" is the word you were looking for. You would pull the plug on a CD player used to play the soundtrack, but not the soundtrack itself.
I like the mention of static as a welcome distraction, maybe even a good thing, at the end. It really helps to tie up the feelings of the poem.
That's all I've got for now. Keep writing!
-Grace
Thanks for the review!