Young Writers Society

I feel like my simple mind is unprepared for this spectacle in front of me.
Great job. This is ridiculously good

Hello Pernicus,

Here to review your piece entitled 'Four Knights'

WOW. A pretty underrated word that sums up this poem to me quite literally. This poem is really good and did something that usually only professionals can do, you nailed the vibe you were reaching for. After studying history for quite some time and being very intrigued by the many video games, TV series and movies associated with medieval customs and this poem gives me a real 'bard' vibe, the type you would hear the 'Lannister' men chant if the context was right - one with pre historical value and meaning.

I think you got the consistent style of the poem spot on, each line was well structured and flowed into the next one with memorable rhymes.Although there was something I didn't quite understand when you said the word 'Shawn'. A quick google search would've told you that it isn't a word unfortunately, unless in the context of a name of someone. It was because you previously mentioned the word 'wool' that I think you meant the past tense for shearing something ----> That is sheared not shawn. You may have also meant shone or shown.The fact that it wasn't' capitalised lead me to believe this.

The word 'so' in the 7th line is also unneeded and adds an extra syllable to the line for no reason. I get that you were trying to go for a chant/song almost and that normal people will add in articles and adverbs to give it a more realistic sound.

Other than that, I don't want to criticise this poem too much because I'm a huge fan of it and look forward to the next time (hopefully) when you publish to YWS!

If you have questions in regards to my review or any other literary inquiries, please don't hesitate to PM me

PenmanshipPriority

Bonjour, Pernicus.

This poem you have written isn't a very common one to come across in that there is a riddle involved within the rhymes. I'm not very skilled at reading in between the lines, but I can comment on the poem style, et cetera.

The warming wool of honour shawn,

and quilt it built they can’t adorn.

So saved from starvation they stave off damnation

though the scythe and it’s agents are plenty for patience.

And if the three who sinned should live

themselves for the fourth they could never forgive.

This... This is something of legends mate. This is possibly one of the absolute best pieces of poetry I have seen on this site, despite its short length. I am so happy that it isn't another love or breakup poem. This is some really damn good stuff.

I have only one single qualm, and that's "the scythe and it's agents." "it's" refers to "it is." "its" is possessive.

Other than that, I have found absolutely nothing wrong. Pieces like these are such a rarity that I can't help but give praise. You handled rhymes and rhythm as one, both complementing the other. That shows some mastery.

It reminds me of a bard song, you know. Something you might sing in a tavern, and had I not known the origins of it, I'd have seen it as professional work.

Enter a contest. Do it. This has to have the potential of winning.

I'm not marking this as a review because there isn't really much wrong to point out. I can give nothing but praise, and say with an honest heart that I hope to spawn such a great piece one day as well. You have inspired me to work on my poetry skills. Everyone here should take this as an example of literary mastery.

Edit: I'm afraid I didn't solve your riddle. I'd look into it more, but I'm in quite a rush.

Hey! I would just like to start off by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! I think you did a tremendous job! Just for organization purposes, I like to structure my reviews into a pros and cons list, so please bear with me

Pros: Everything was nearly perfect structurally! You did a wonderful job with grammar, your rhyming lines were fairly consistent in length, and the poem, overall, was very impactful. In this piece, you were not only successful in conveying a clear message to your readers, but did so in an elegant and well-written manner. That's often a daunting task, so I applaud you. I also had much admiration for your use of imagery and personification, seeming to bring the poem more to life. Plus, I just looooove rhyming poems

Cons: I truly don't have much to say for cons. As far as the organization aspect of the poem goes, a separation of stanzas may have been more appealing to the eye, but that's more of a personal preference. Also, I feel that this poem gave some more room for more elaboration. You did a superb job selecting a list of vocabulary that provided depth, but I do think that if you wanted, this poem could have been expanded upon. Though, through my own, personal, writing, I've come to realize that sometimes that can take away from the initial impact the condensed version gives off. So, no cons really, just suggestions to consider.

Overall, I think you did an absolutely amazing job! I was very pleased with this poem, and I hope to read more of your work in the future! Make sure you keep writing! If you continue to write like this, there's a good chance you'll intrigue many more readers as time goes on. Great job!