To be happy

Hey, Pernicus.
This is Moonwatcher, here with my first review for RevMo.

I'm not so good at introductions, so all I can say here is that I like this poem. The first person point of view definitely supports the readers understanding of ignorance. The punctuation is a little bit sloppy, and disorganized. Due to the use of punctuation throughout this poem, maybe some commas separating lines would help improve the flow. Stopping at half of the sentence makes the poem a little bit choppy. Another thing I'd do to help improve the flow is conjoin and lengthen a few of the stanzas.

One of the examples of choppiness in the poem would be

Do they know?

They cannot know.

Liars, Liars and truth defiers.

Stop laughing I beg you.

You saw the plank on which you stand.

But you've never seen it.

they pretend they cannot hear us.

Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!

Wow, I know you don't feel proud of this poem and yes there are faults, but this poem is still pretty good from multiple view points. I, myself, really enjoyed the layout and story of this poem. The use of first person narrator helps the reader sympathise with the poem as you use powerful words such as beg and ignorant. This shows the desperation of the narrator and gives the poem an attitude that helps to represent the message. Overall I really enjoyed it, I'll get to the improvements later but first, I need to show you why this poem should not be regretted.

First of all I love the contradictions! This shows how messed up/confused the narrator feels and it helps the reader understand the all-over-the-place feelings of the poem. Whilst the poem is pretty jumbled in places, the theme helps to cover it thus improving the poem as a whole. The use of negatives in the poem as well as direct address helps to show the poem as something more personal thus making it more impactful/enjoyable for the reader. This makes it seem well thought out and not written on a whim as you state in the description. The good thing about writing on a whim however, is that the poem becomes 100 times more personal for both the narrator and the reader. This way the poem is given more feeling and it becomes more interesting as it represents a feeling inside of you that you have laid out in front of us. Lastly I love the ending stanza as it truly wraps up the poems story/message making the reader enjoy it more. Oh and by saying regretted it in one in your description, the whole story is emphasised as you not only show regret in writing this but the regretful feelings surface as well, thus improving the poem.

On the how to improve side of things it is pretty much a few punctuation and grammatical errors. Whilst I'm not one to nitpick, I did find that you used a full stop/period at the end of each sentence for a particular stanza. This is not needed - you must stick to the punctuation of the sentence otherwise the poem is read in the wrong rhythm. My example is: They take out all their shallow mirrors. blind to the sides and frontally challenged. they pretend they cannot hear us. Here you forget to either not place the period/full stop or you forget to capitalise the words at the beginning of each stanza.

Overall this poem was interesting and I hope you keep writing in the future.

All the best,
Godly

" How can you love if it ends in tears?" nice was to set the connotation of your poem. I think this poem could be great, don't regret writing it. Even if something seems like trash after a little revising it can become a masterpiece